5/31/2005 04:33:00 PM
alone* in the rain;
Monday, again, Monday Blues ah...haiz...
First lesson IC tutorial, but the teacher went through lecture... 40 over slides leh!!! Then that place was freezing cold ah... At first i was quite cold de...also freezing...but after that got used to it liao... Then Vincent arrived, sit beside me...ask me, "you not cold ah?". Ahah, i said "ok lah, got used to it le..." He is really feeling cold ah, keep on sneezing...haha... Then we got lecture at 5th floor, lecture quite fast cos only 20 slides this time round =).
After that he and Wee Kiat went to canteen 3 go install VB.NET the CD teacher lent him... Need to install over 3 hours plus wor...haha. I still gotta go for my QLA lecture until 12pm...haiz... QLA ended quite early, after that i went to look for them at canteen 3 lor... Jiahui and gang haven't reached yet, so we just went to find a place to sit first... Not long they arrived, with Chun Shen... All settled down for lunch... Went to buy fish slice thick bee hoon. The auntie got mixed up with orders ah...give me the normal bee hoon, then i told her i want thick bee hoon, need to wait again... Lunch, as usual, Jiahui and Vincent "scolding" each other...haha...as usual...both of them so "cute" ah...=p...okok, kidding, hee~
1pm got WSAS lecture...3 classes together. Me, Vincent, Wee Kiat and Chun Shen same lecture... Haiz... This semester always together with guys ah...found that all of them ah...haiz...don't know what to say liao... Vincent everytime during lecture ask me how many slides -_-, this one would be his very first question...can predict liao. Even QLA also like that...haha...all ask me for answer... Then all say, got any test or whatever, depend on me =s?! Stress sia... Me answer provider ah...=p.
2pm WSAS tutorial. Then was surfing the net at the com there, MSN just auto sign in, dunno whos. But, the nick very familiar! I guess it was my friends' one... It really is! Cos i saw my nick at the offline list! Tutorial also quite fast, 2.35pm finished liao. Went to the class to wait for the next lesson, QLA again.
QLA ended quite early too...at around 4.30pm, then left liao. Then i kept on thinking i forgot something...oh yes, i forgot to get the CD from Wee Kiat to give to Vincent tommorow ah...die liao... After QLA lesson, i suddenly remembered...then called Wee Kiat, but he never answered...anyway i think his lesson ended and he reached home liao... So, i think i need to explain to Vincent tommorow...
Yeah, today's a long long day, but tommorow's a real short one... Lessons end at 11am! Haha...so glad =).
5/30/2005 10:47:00 PM
alone* in the rain;
Haha...dad just told me a super funny "joke" just now that i laugh till my stomach still hurts now... On Saturday, he went up by the lift, from Mac there... Another person followed him in...so in the lift only that person and him... Then that person was looking at something, some CD i think... Reached 4th floor le, in front there have a wall mah...my dad turn right, while the person walk straight?!!! Then ah, that person hit the wall there, so loud even my dad could hear it... Haha, how come that person go hit the wall?! Think he too engrossed with the CD bahs... LOL! Okok, don't laugh le... Stomach still hurts...uh oh =x.
Reached home, remembered Derek put his thumb drive at my door there... I thought he put at the floor, near the shoe rack, make me search for it, how come never see some orange thingy de...at first i thought really lost le... Then saw it on top, at the shoe rack...lucky ah...otherwise don't know how to pay him his thumb drive...
Now exploring the thumb drive...wah, he got so many stuff in there... I wonder, he give me liao, he got make a back up of it or not...cos maybe he need to use it. And...i only need the access database file, he put so many thing inside...haha. Aha, and what's that WinXP Stimulator...? Me very busybody hor...haha...okok, must get down to work le...
Heh, tommorow lesson starts at 9am and ends at 5pm. Lunch would be with Jiahui and gang! The 5 of us...whee! Jiahui, Siti, Lixin, Me and Vincent! Then i can imagine ah, Jiahui and Vincent would be "fighting"...ahaha...its always the case... Yups, looking forward to tommorow!
5/29/2005 10:44:00 PM
alone* in the rain;
I thought i was going to loose everything...everything gone... It seemed so real... Then i woke up... It seemed just so true that i was going to loose everything just overnight... Very childish thinking right? Hahaha...nvm...
Then there was Derek's project...i did something wrong i think...uh oh =x. Then, cos he did it in Access...sent through MSN, it was blocked... Email also cannot cos the file was 13MB i think... Wonder why they need to block it...make it so troublesome de...super irritating! Oh ya, and Derek admire someone wor~ haha... He gave me two choices and would not say anything more than that...wah...how unfair can that be...i wonder who knows liao? Tell me! =p Haha...
Yesterday was at the book fair in Suntec City... Loads of people there...and in the lift...aha, being squashed, reminds me of the lift in ICT block ah...damn squeezy... Nothing much at the book fair this time...haha, boring... Then the shops at suntec city, every shop i passed by all got discount de...30%, 50%...Bossini, Bum, Levis...almost every shop lah...cos its the Great Singapore Sales now.
Today, i don't know what to have for lunch again... Maybe just make do with the food at the food courts in shopping centres bahs... Argh...stupids, it just started to rain heavilly...
5/29/2005 11:52:00 AM
alone* in the rain;
Well, today's IS day, and this time i only have one IS module, so its a short day from 10am-12pm. While walking to class saw Trina! So good, she going home, i just come for lesson. She chose lesson from 8am-10am mah...haha... Reached the class, no one i knew arrived yet...so just waited there for others to arrive... Not long, Jiahui and Siti arrived le... Then the teacher arrived also, he was a botak! LOL...okok, don't laugh... Ahah, but this teacher very friendly and go sense of humor, i can see it from the way he teaches... Some introductory slides and some chapters of Shrek The Movie was played...for us to learn about sterotyping...
After lesson waited for Lixin then we went to look for Poh Suan, Lay Kuan and Kelly for lunch at Tanjong Pagar. Reached there still quite early, then waited for Poh Suan to come out... Headed for lunch at Pasta Mania... Lay Kuan and Kelly arrived not long after... After eating, talked abit, then left le... Lixin and Jiahui followed Siti to BBDC for her driving test, while i got down at Clementi station and headed home... Reached home at 3pm...rested awhile then decided to do the IS homework le... Saw a message on my handphone, Derek asking me what is todays' IS module about...learn about what de... Haha...what wierd question...so excited to know what that module is about liao although he is taking it next semester. So just told him... Then i think i striked up a "conversation" bahs...end up "chatting" with him through sms...hahas... And i think i am noisy, cos i asked alot lah... No one to talk to here at home...so quiet, so just wanted to find someone to talk to...
Wei~ Creativex Fest is now on from 27th to 29th May... Maybe i'd head down there to take a look someday... Yups~ =)
5/28/2005 12:17:00 AM
alone* in the rain;
Today, haiz...what a waste, i bring my laptop today for nothing...
Went for QLA lesson, was the first to reach the class... No one from my class is the same class as me for QLA cos no one took it...thought i'd be very lonely, but then not so lah...hee~ Then, came another person, he very familiar...from my and BCJ and PQS class de...neh, the one Jiahui like to suan alot de...hahas...quite surprised to see him here... Don't know what's his name tho... Then we talked abit... I also asked him what tutorial class he's in...he said T02?! Omg, suay sia...LOL... I also in T02... He also said he overloaded to get this module QLA, so he got 6 modules in all...haha... Then his friend arrived...sit beside him, which is one seat beside me... Then he quite friendly, say "hello" to me...so just greeted him also... Got to know his name, called Firdas? Don't know how is it spelled... But, he different tutorial group from me, T01, only lecture the same... His other friends also arrived, got girls also, then got one girl, very very familiar... Looks like i'm in the same class as her in primary school, and its primary 1 and 2...haha, to think i still remember... Then saw the group pages, the name also so familiar, Teck Lin...saw it somewhere before... Met 2 primary school friends here le, in the same course as me including her...
Haha, think this semester mostly with guys liao, like wierd wierd de...cos all the friends i knew mostly guys one, so funny... Then everytime i with girls de...not used to it...
QLA ended, they got PI lesson, so i just left first and find an empty class room wait for vincent to end his lesson at 12pm to have lunch. Then i checked email, saw IC lesson cancelled cos teacher on urgent leave?! Haiz... Then cos i agreed Vincent gonna have lunch with him liao, so i just waited for him... Received his sms, then called him le... Went for lunch at canteen 3... During lunch, we talked about assignment and all those thing... Then haiz...me very suay, second time i'm saying this le... Same class with Vincent for IC and WSAS... IC got assignment and i think 2 people, so that Vincent ah...very clever hor... Haiz...i think he depend on me liao...die le... And, WSAS leh, the practical tests...aiyo... I think he better study also, wait i don't know also, no one to ask liao...
Aiya, this semester very unlucky lah, no one to depend on le, think is other people depend on me de...haiz...die liao... Just hope things would look up...
5/26/2005 03:37:00 PM
alone* in the rain;
Yes...I did went for the meet-the-mentors session instead...why? Ahaha...nothing, just got "inspired" by my friend cos she was going... I was so glad to see my friend, Trina there at the briefing... I thought i'd be all alone... Saw her, then i went to sit with her... Then i just turned my head and i saw four very familiar people...Jiayi, Wanxing, Tian Tsyh and Wee Kiat?! I thought no one from my class going for the briefing le...
First was the giving out module prizes... Tian Tsyh got it for best in CSP... Then my friend also got... Her class got 5 people receiving the module prizes, really smart people... Then went to the class to meet-the-mentor. On the way met up with others in my class... My mentor, Zip, arrived in the class not long after. He gave out the module assessment sheet which lists all the modules and the various assessments and assignments due, and also gave us an SCS sticker which entitles us a 10% discount. Then briefed us a little on attendence policy and all those thingys... Then he also ask us what happen to Steven...miss so many lessons, yet not debarred?! LOLs...so he asked for his contact, then i just gave him his hp number...wonder if its still in use?! Then Zip told us that we can receive a Certificate of Merit if we are in the top 10%...he even suggested that i qualify for it?! I wonder how true can that be...then he ask me if i know i'm in top 5% or 10% or not...haha...how'd i know where to check for it?! Oh ya, Wanxing is the new class rep and Jiayi the new class treasurer! Haha...Wanxing volunteered himself to be the class rep... After that, left school for home...
Tommorow having QLA class. No one same class as me... Two full hours lecture...sianz...just hope i can survive. Ya, meeting Vincent for lunch...since after that we'd be heading for the same class, IC... Me and him again, two people, so pathetic...lol. Just hope it'd not be boring ok? I think with him, will not be bahs...haha!
"With goals set, there'd be drive in life." ~ Yes, this is really really true...
5/25/2005 10:22:00 PM
alone* in the rain;
So, today's the second day of the term...
Meeting Jiahui at 11am for lunch... On the way to school met lotsa people... First, my grandma... I guess she is taking her usual morning walk...then i heard her call out for me...everyone look at me...=x, cos she is loud...lol! Next, while walking to the school, saw Jiayi at the crossing at the atrium there near Blk 56... I thought Jiahui was still having lesson, so i went up to 6th floor to look for her. Then in the lift, i saw someone so very familiar... Its Chun Shen...but i think he didn't notice me or something...haha! Then walked into the class, found that Jiahui's not there le, so i called her... They're already at canteen 3 having lunch. Then Chun Shen called me... Ask me a few things like i in same class as Jiahui for IC...i having lesson now?...i got lesson before this? Haha...then i just told him i meeting Jiahui for lunch, only same class as Jiahui they all for SS...
Went to Canteen 3, saw Jiahui and gang there le... Then just settled down for my lunch... After lunch went to the bookshop to ask for the prices of the books. Only 2 books are available, so we decided not to buy yet... Then saw Jiayi and Tian Tsyh...they also same lecture as us for SS... Vincent i think, was "forced" to go to SS with Jiahui i think...haha! Cos, i know he doesn't take SS...
During SS before lesson start, someone sat beside me...i thought who was it...at first i just didn't care cos i thought i didn't know that person...but find it abit strange though... Then when that person said "hello" to me...i looked at her...ahaha...it was my friend lah... My primary school friend Jiawen! So surprised to meet her... Didn't knew it was her, it was a pleasant surprise...
SS lecture over, headed straight home... Later 4pm still have year 3 briefing...and meet-the-mentors session. For the year 3 briefing, i'm sure i'd be going, as for the meet-the-mentors session i'm not really sure, cos no one in my class is going, from what i know, Jiahui, Siti, Lixin and Vincent all not going le...
Gonna head down to school later... Gosh, double trips to school two days consecutive? Tommorow i have a three hour break too... Maybe i ask Vincent to have lunch with me since he having IC at 2pm and also same class as me...Yea...
5/25/2005 02:03:00 PM
alone* in the rain;
Today first day of the new term...not bad lah...but very sianz... The only good thing is i get to go home early at 11am...
First lesson of the day is WSAS...reached school quite early i guess? No one there...except me and another guy which i don't know... Then he wanted to open the door using the student card but access denied, cos i guess not 9am yet, so cannot lor... Then just wait outside the door there... Feel very stupid, like door woman like that...cos its very near the entrance mah...but then ok lah... Guess i was too early... Then finally Vincent arrived le... Only me and him same class...pathetic sia... Next, our teacher arrived le...straight away ask us go MEL see can access or not, but server down...so cannot... Then attendance sheet she also never print cos server down again -_-. Wah, server down EVERYTHING cannot be done...so serious...
Then, Vincent sit beside me keep on saying sian, want to sleep...haha! But really very sian leh!!! The practical we do together, then we were like blur blur de... Partially cos the instruction not clear de!!! Must figure out yourself de... The step jump here and there... Sorta "struggled" through...but don't know why, Vincent suddenly so clever, most of the thing he teach me de...hehe... Two hours passed by quite quickly...then after that we left...
Vincent still got AA lecture so i left first... Reached home about 11.40am...
Tommorow there's the year 3 briefing and meet-the-mentors session... Nobody's going?!!! I don't know...but i think i'll go for the briefing...meet-the-mentors session leh...hmm, see first bahs...
Life's really boring without all those "noise-makers"... Now i know their importance le...lol... Without them life's really black and white...
Lay Kuan chatted with me and kept me company in the afternoon...thanks girl... Ya, she's someone very important wor... At least made my poly life not so lonely... Come to think of it, i might not even get to know her if not for BIS project... I think you know the story right, Lay Kuan? *winks*
5/24/2005 04:42:00 PM
alone* in the rain;
Had a very fun day today...shopping...
Was out almost the whole day today... First, to Specialist Centre John Little, then to Orchard Point OG then to Woodlands Causeway Point... I was tagging along with my dad to the different DVD shops... Went to HMV...wow super big shop with a large collection of CDs and DVDs...so long never step into there le... Lunch was at burger kings'...got the discount coupon... Then saw the burger on the discount don't have the burger i like...i ask my dad can replace the burger or not...he say cannot? I don't believe...i go and ask the counter...really cannot sia...she told me that burger not on promotion de...ok, so nvm... When we were at Woodlands, i suggested going to the Civic Centre, the library there just accross Causeway Point... Never went to that library before... When i reached there, i gaspsed...that library spans 4 floors! Gosh...then went to search books on IT and computers...it was at the third level... This library kinda remind me of my school library...super huge and spacious...just that my school library loose out a little...
Ok...i think there's a little misunderstanding somehow... Didn't answer your messages readily cos was doing your thing here...while you asked me to look at another thing...so i need to switch here and there... If you don't believe nvm, but i just want to tell you this... I think that person know who i'm talking about... So just wanna apologise here... I just hope he understands... Aiya, i don't know him lah... Just hope he's not angry with me... If he's angry with me, well well...can blame on me then...
Tommorow, the new term starts le... Wednesday have the year 3 briefing and meet-the-mentors session again?!!! Every semester sure have de...sian...
Nvm, no mood to blog le...so got to go back solve the problem le...
5/23/2005 09:27:00 PM
alone* in the rain;
Hmms, this morning, didn't get much of a sleep cos once i close my eyes i start to dream of errie things... Arghhs, don't wanna talk about it, it just spoils my mood...
Initially wanted to go to the library to borrow books... so wenta Bukit Panjang Plaza only to find that the library was closed for the day cos its Vesak Day today and would only open on the 23 May... So, just returned the books through the book drop... Next, went to popular to get files to file my documents for various modules as i did for every semester... Then dad sent me home while he went to King Albert Park...
Now at home le...so sianz... Don't know where Derek gone to, want to ask him some questions regarding his project... Well, well, nvm... Off to do some other things first, maybe tonight then ask him...
Lunch is chicken plus porridge... The chicken is the grilled chicken from cold storage...then the porridge i cook... No one wants to cook so i cook for them to eat...
5/22/2005 12:17:00 PM
alone* in the rain;
Last night, just asked Derek on his project, the part which i don't understand... He asked me i asked that part for what, i just said nothing... Don't want to be more of a hinderence... Then he suddenly clarified something with me? Like he assume i've read his blog...which i did...then he asked me whether what he mentioned in the blog talking about me... Being me, i just said, "how i know?" Thinking, "not written by me..." Actually indeed i did really thought he was talking about me initially...ya...really... So, i feel, he is angry with me... And also, feeling upset and angry for helping then he said this... Then just yesterday he told me no?! Feeling comforted, yet relieved...
Woke up thrice today feeling very uneasy... Once at 7am, then 8am, then finally 9.30am... Sufferring from flu and runny nose... Washed plates, folded clothes, then after that cooked porridge again...
Hmms, just read Poh Suan's bloggy... So envious she got a boyfriend le... Hahas...no lahs...just feel happy for her =). Ya...if only i could find someone as caring...and someone i could rely...i would treasure him always......... Ahhs~ that must be my wishful thinking only... Where on earth to find such good person liao? Think all extinct le... Belahx =p... Hope my time would come real soon... ......
5/21/2005 01:38:00 PM
alone* in the rain;
Today cooked porridge as usual for mum... This time i added frozen vegetables in, so that its not so plain... But my mum ate it and she said she preferred just plain porridge without the frozen vegetables?! Hahas...okok, nvm...
Also, chatted with Lay Kuan, then she told me she relaxing?! Playing neopets?!!! Attachment so free one meh? Cannot be... How come other people like so busy like that... See Derek enough le... Then she told me cos he do individual one that's why like that... But it can't be that different?
As for the project... I think some parts got mistake, but don't know where, that's why cannot function properly... The big problem is i only have bits of information here and there of the project...gotta figure out through trial and error for most of it... Lets' hope i'm correct... Hmm, lets see...
Ok, lets talk about my life these days... One word to describe it, "boring"... Hmm, maybe i don't know how to keep myself entertained bahs... Anyone knows how? Other than online games...i think i've played them... Anyway, the new terms' gonna start real soon... This time, i don't think i look forward to it at all...=(. Number 1: boring electives; most of it require memorising... Plus the IS which makes it worse... Learn about Singapore?! Oh no, give me a break from History stuffs...I hate that! Number 2: no more full T10 class...all seperated...just hope that the class i'm in issn't boring...
Sometimes, i think i assume too much for most of the things... Wonder how right can i be...but it can't be wrong either i guess? Don't know why, feeling kinda sensitive...maybe i'm always this way...just that i don't show it to make it that obvious... Well, well, maybe because of this, some of you may call me "xiao qi gui"... I don't know...*shrugs* Even if i'm angry at you, i will not show it at all, maybe just rant my thoughts at other people, then just keep quiet in front of that person and pretend nothing happen.........cos i'm afraid if i scold that person, that person might not want to talk to me again... Well, maybe that's me...so easy to "qi fu" (bully) one right... Mmm...you're wrong! =p The correct word to describe me is "nice"! Hee~ =)
*assumptions aren't always wrong, prove me wrong.........*
5/20/2005 04:07:00 PM
alone* in the rain;
Today gonna stay home the whole day again...
About 12 noon, cooked porridge for mum cos she sick... Haha...first time ever cooked porridge, but it turns out ok lah, edible lor... But i never eat...cook for her eat only... Then i already cook so little, she just say want a little bit...haiz... I ask her nice or not, she say nice?! How can plain porridge be nice? Ahaha... Then, she tell me she going back to work after that...
After that went over to grandma's place for lunch as usual. When i reached home, mum not in le... Me, and myself all alone again =(...
Now, chatting with Lay Kuan... Kinda miss her...1 month never meet her le...wonder how she's doing now for attachment... Updates from Jiahui on the happenings... Pity her...
Later gonna do Derek's project again... How come cannot work de...so funny one... Now, i understand why he's struggling le...
Talking about the project, don't know whether i am angry or is it he is angry with me... Well, perhaps, assumptions... But, but, my feelings would never be wrong, cos i feel somethings' not right...
5/19/2005 02:58:00 PM
alone* in the rain;
Today woke up as usual, 8.30am... Did some studying, then about 12pm went over to have lunch at grandma's place... Before i left, saw my 3rd auntie...so long never see her le...so just addressed her, then left for school le... Waited for the bus super long...
Finally reached school, saw Jiahui already there waiting for me... I paiseh, quickly ask her whether she waited for me a long time or not... Then we went to atrium print our timetables... Then, we settled down and Jiahui began her reformatting of com. Want to join the school domain but cannot...keep on trying, then i found out what was the problem... Wireless network not up, no wonder cannot work... Need to have internet connection then can join school domain... So, helped Jiahui setup the wireless network... But funny thing is can detect got wireless network, but not working de... We keep on trying, then i think i did something wrong...gees... Then, she reformat the whole com again? Gosh, my fault... Then i ask her did she install anything yet, she say haven't...luckily...
Reformatting took about 1/2 an hour... While reformatting, we talked to each other about our friends and how we feel about it... So much to catch up on... After that, went to the ICT support centre to get the wireless done up to join the school domain. And the staff there asked Jiahui to buy tea for him?!!! Huh...siao one leh...but Jiahui really go and buy...she so good... So, the wireless problem thingy, so easy to solve de...with just a click then everything solved le, less than 5 minutes... Wanted to install VB.NET de, but then he said need 3 hours like that?! Then he ask Jiahui to come back tommorow to install cos no time le... The support centre close at 5pm... So, no choice, we went down to the square to install other things... Then, i just accompanied her till about 6pm. While installing her things, we talked again on other things... About attachment, the supervisors we are going to have, teachers of previous semesters, life, what are we going to do after we graduate, about poly and JC...and lots more... Had a really and long nice talk with her... Hmm, i gonna miss that... Won't be seeing each other that often when school starts... Just hope that we can catch up as often...
Oh ya, she told me Hong Hao got AD for SA?!!! Unbelievable sia...i asked her she heard wrongly or what, she said no?!!! Wah, really can't be true...
Reached home, bathed, ate dinner, watched a little TV, then now, online...
School's gonna start in a few days time... This time round its gonna be sian, with all those hyper people all gone for attachment le...hahas...gonna miss them...their laughter and their lame jokes... Wonder when will our paths cross again? I hope really really soon...they're just the best lot of pals i've ever had. Haiz...gonna be real quiet, wonder how'd i survive?! IC and WSAS with just Vincent being same class as me, SS at least better with Jiahui, Siti and Lixin, worst is QLA with no one at all... This is gonna be scary...
Then, that Derek ah, think he solved his problem le, or don't know is it angry with me...i don't dare ask him on his project, got one part don't understand and don't know where to find that thing... Hmm, who knows...
5/19/2005 12:07:00 AM
alone* in the rain;
Last night, was online till about 12.30am. Didn't knew Derek was online until he ask me the same old question again, "not sleeping yet?"...haha. Ok, he's been bugging me for his project lah...then he give me the most difficult part to do one leh...haha... Then he even suggested me to bring his work to the office to do?! Aiya...not i don't want lah, but then, if i bring it to the office and do cannot concentrate, damn frustrating to stop then do other things then carry on doing again...
Today i never went to work le... Time to have sometime for myself...
Actually, this morning my dad still ask me whether want to go to office or not... I don't know what to answer, so i just said, "don't ask me sucha complicated question leh, i don't know how to answer you...lol!" But, he the end he said ok, i can stay at home...
I didn't know renovation works were going on and being at home could be such a pain with all the drilling and hammering going on... If i knew this is going to happen, i would have gone to the office otherwise...
Chatted awhile with Jiahui in the morning, then heard she's going to school tommorow... So i told her maybe i going also to submit the application, then maybe i going with her...
Lunch was at grandma's house as usual... No one at home to cook for me, and i'm lazy =p. And so, ya...would be rotting at home today...
Just rammaged through my drawers and found letters from my neighbours and friends... Precious memories and the past just flash back in my head. Miss them so, especially my long lost neighbours... Wonder how they're doing now? Have really lost in touch with them...i forgot to get from them their address and telephone numbers before they left...how wasted... We were so close then that we share everything together; our thoughts, toys, and even food... How i got to know them was a real funny experience too! They treated me as an enemy and they would always whistle at the door to attract my attention, then gave me that stern look... Then one day, the same things happened, they whistle, then i came out have a look, it so happend their mum came home at that time... Then their mum introduced them to me, then we were friends... I would never forget those times i had with them...
Other thoughts just came flashing back again, family matters...well, i guess nothing could bring them back to good terms again... It had not got to do with me, but it has affected me indirectly. Because of this, i dare not talk to them as often as before... Its just so sad...well, nvm, i'm getting emotional... Somethings just can't be back as before...well, i hope some miracle would happen, but i must be day dreaming for now... Life's supposed to be filled with excitement, but i guess, things aren't going the way i want it to be... This is my life, no one can change it?! Sick and tired...
5/17/2005 02:14:00 PM
alone* in the rain;
Its one week before term starts... I still had to go to the office to help out my dad, although usually i will not work one week before term starts... I just somehow felt that he won't approve of my "leave" cos he thinks i got nothing to do at home... But, i decided to tell him at night that i wanted some time to myself, so i asked him whether i can be at home from Wednesday onwards... He said no need, tommorow onwards also can, provided i study at home... I was like, "huh?!" But anyways, i do plan to do abit of reading up before term starts... But, when he said no watching of TV at all, i was like, "what the...?!?!"... Siao one...nvm nvm...
Now online for a little while to read up some notes... Then at the same time, applying for scholarship... While applying i need to fill in the Monthly Gross Income column of my parents... I asked my dad first...then he straight away told me, "no use one, you WON'T get one, don't need to apply lah..." With that, felt abit angry, but i just didn't want to start a fight...so i just kept quiet, swallowing my pride... At one moment, i felt like giving up and not to apply for the scholarship/bursary, but i thought again... The chance is there, why not give myself a try? So what if its not possible, at least i did try... As for my mum, i asked her, then she readily agreed that i should apply for the scholarship and encouraged me all the way... One said no, and the other said yes... What should i do?! Mao dun...is how i'm feeling now... Should i or should i not pursue in applying for the scholarship/bursary? Someone tell me please... If i want to, i would have difficulty getting my dad's income tax notice assessment to submit together with the application, since he said "cannot one lah..." Haiz...why am i always the victim of this sorta situation...kinda feel like a sandwitch...
I'm just stuck now...feeling lost... Well, my dad wouldn't know how much his words hurt me, cos he issn't me! Ok, i can pretend nothing has happened, but in me, i will always feel that there is a sword poked through my heart... I just don't understand, why wouldn't he want me to even try to apply for it? Ok, i know, i am lousy, not clever, no brains... whatever, just all the negative things... This is how he thinks of me... Other people are always the best, and me?! worst of all...great...
All my entries, all talking about my dad... Urgh...i don't know why i "hate" him so much...but he has got to be my dad... Horrible... As for my mum, she is better, but still... Hey, hey, i just don't see why!!! Can't i just not be controlled ALL the time?!!! This is getting ridiculous!!! As i get older, i feel worse and worse by the day!!!
Feeling a little feverish now... Just don't tell me i'm getting sick...i don't want to...
*No one understands how i feel, or do you?*
5/16/2005 10:54:00 PM
alone* in the rain;
Its Sunday today...well well...
Dinner was at CCK Lot 1 Shopping Malls' Food Court... I was quite full, so i didn't eat much... After dinner, walked a little... Seeing couples around, made me really envious... I'm just missing out the romance...ahhs, well, well, i must be in dreamland now... Let go this fact that, "i think i wouldn't be in a relationship till i'm about 22-25..., my parents won't approve of it..." Friends i have, but mostly girls bahs...the only guy friends i still keep in touch; 1 in secondary school, and the others in my poly class...that's all... Real few right? With my parents so worried for me, i just don't see how i can get to know them better... Especially that time when i just wanted to go to school only...nvm, don't talk about it le...super sian... Well, my turn would come...soon i hope...
Thought of some sad things in the past that i couldn't go to sleep... Was online till about 1am... Derek msg me at about 12am asking me why i haven't go to sleep cos i usually sleep at 12am... So, i just chatted with him for awhile... While chatting with him, realised that he knows me inside out...its scary...even though i don't know him really well, as in we seldom talk to each other seriously face to face... We only "talked" to each other through sms and online chats... Its amazing how much he knows about me... I can say among all my friends, he knows me the most... He told me that i cannot keep everything to myself cos it issn't good... Thanks, gees, i know i know... At least, its not a waste having a friend like him...heh =). Funny though, this time round, most of the time he'd been offering advices to me. I was the one always advicing him, and now its the other way round =x. Feeling a little comforted after that to know that there's a friend there to listen to me... I am going to cherish it... Went to bed at about 1am even though i'm not tired...hoping that i'd feel better the next day...
Woke up at 9.30am today... At that moment, i thought about it again... It somehow dawned on me that the past would always haunt me...feeling so afraid...once again...
I hope i will "heal" soon... Just feeling a little down... ... ... minus the "hahas"... ... Its just not the same old me; i laugh alot...
5/15/2005 11:33:00 AM
alone* in the rain;
The week passes really fast, in a wink of an eye, another week's gone...
Its Sony PSP's official launch on Thursday, 12 May! Ya, saw it cos there's a sony shop at IMM. Passed by it everytime i collect letters from the letterbox... It seems to be quite a handy gadget... I must say, even if you're not IT savvy, you'd fall in love with it... Awws, but the sad thing is that the price is still abit steep at SGD 455... I can't figure out how Derek got it at only 395. Then cos my dad bought DVDs from an online website which sells much cheaper DVDs in Singapore even after shipment, they sent an email featuring all the stuffs they're going to have it on sale... Then i saw that they're selling the PSP at only 348.98 CAD (Canada Dollars), which means after shipment, and after conversion, its only about 365 SGD (Estimate)? Hmms...
Today's Saturday, half day work at my dad's office... Had lunch at Crunchy Carrot beside Sony store and it happens that my dad knows the boss in Crunchy Carrot so got 10% discount everytime we go there and eat...cool rights? Hee =). After that, left le... Was gonna head home, but then dad said wanna go see whether Thomson Plaza Video EZYs' outlet have movie sales or not. So, we headed there, but the sad thing is that outlet doesn't have movie sales. Then after that dad suggested to go to King Albert Parks' Video EZYs' outlet cos there still have movie sales mah...then he want to see still got what movie can buy before the sales end. On the way there, passed by Bt Timah Rd First Ave, Second Ave, Fifth Ave and Sixth Ave... Traffic Jam?!!! Argh, dad went by that way to avoid the expressway cos the expressway also have traffic jam... Anyway, it wasn't a long wait, thank goodness... I had a really good look at the bungalows and terraces facing the road side... My, my, they are huge and grand! One even has a security gaurd to gaurd the house! If only i were as rich as them...ahhs, i must be dreaming lah...
Talking about rich and poor, sometimes i wonder, why on earth are there two types of extreme people?! The very rich and the very poor... These two groups of people have something in common: worries. If you are very rich, you worry everyday about your money... Indeed, the very rich might not be even happy at all... So what for? We live to be happy. Am i right? I think, to a certain extent... If you are very poor, you worry everyday whether you can satisfy your basic needs. Basic nessities which may seem so simple to satisfy for the ordinary people is so difficult for them to handle. They struggle to meet ends needs and just a little fruit of labour would leave them more than glad. This is so different from the rich...or so, i thought... Being rich, they think they can get everything they want anytime, cos they got the cash. A little waste means nothing to them...and it pains your heart to see that. My definition of Rich = Lots of money. Lots of money = people jealous = fights... Well, talking about this...i'm indirectly facing this problem...its a long long story... Talking about it, its heart wrenching... As the saying goes, "money is the root of all evil"... People fight over money, i don't know whatever for... Is money really that important to them that they can make people break off ties, especially kinship? Why must this happen to me, indirectly...I really don't understand, this is ridiculous. Can you bring money to the grave? I don't think so...so what for? Can money bring you happiness? NO! Sandwitched in between, i gotta face the grumbles from both parties, not knowing who's right and who's wrong... They've said it umteen times that i've grown sian of it... Because of this, i sometimes feel paiseh meeting them, even though i'm not involved...
I still remember vaguely, it happened when i was still quite young, at a tender age of 15... My dad and my uncle... gees, i just don' wish to mention, thinking about it really makes me feel sad and on the verge of tears... I don't know why must they turn out on each other... One things' for sure, i know the reason is cos of money.
Haiz...not on good relationship terms with a few of my relatives. Its not because of me, its...my dad. Before that happened, i remebered another thing which happened a few years back, i was really young to understand what really happened then... From then on, dad doesn't like my mum's mum and his brother? I can feel that... Everytime my dad would grumble and grumble infront of me... And me, i just act like a sandwitch... Hearing him mentioning everytime, i just feel so sick and tired... Why can't he put away the grudge?! Its already been so many years... If its me, i'd just forgive and forget... What for spoil the relationship? Nvm, i tell you, he is just different from me... Our thinking also opposite that sometimes i argue with him like hell... I just don't understand...
Talking about sad sad happenings just make me emotional once again that i wanna cry...just leave me alone and i'd feel better, i hope... ... ...
"feeling so lonely once again..."
5/14/2005 11:10:00 PM
alone* in the rain;
Now i know what it really means to be suay...i shan't talk about it...sian... Today's Friday the 13th you see!!!
Did several things today, and most of all, issueing cheques...eEee talk about it, i'm quite afraid of issueing cheques now, much less talk about it...especially when issueing the amount of more than $5000... Okok, don't talk about it le... Checked through statement of accounts...actually just did the easy part of it lahx...hehe... Update records, blah blah blah...
After work, went to Cold Storage King Albert Park to buy some sushi! Yay...this is what i enjoy eating most...hee =p. Bought a grilled chicked, some ham... Gosh, that promoter was really good at promoting the chicken and the ham...haha... Then, there's the Video EZY store there, so dad wanna go see see... And my, my, there's the movie sales again! So, dad being dad...-_- was so excited and bought the DVDs on sale...cos you see, 1 for 19.90, 2 for 30 which is cheap for DVDs... Kung Fu Hustle and Spider Man 2 caught my eye...so my dad bought... I knew i watch Kung Fu Hustle before, but ok lah, can watch again mah... Then i also saw Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within... Hmm, wanted to get that, but don't know whether nice to watch or not leh... Anyone knows? Your comments please...thank you =)
Ok, getting late le... Maybe i will watch a show before going to bed? Hee...well well...
5/13/2005 11:06:00 PM
alone* in the rain;
Monday was web enrollment day. Mine is from 2pm - 3.30pm. Chun Shen never sms me the class number and teacher name...i guess he doesn't have my handphone number? So nvm, i just asked Jiahui about it...
Time for my web enrollment, just enrolled into the class... Then i saw a note there say that need to enroll for at least two modules?! No matter how i select, only one module turns out to be selected, which is the prescribed module... So, i called Jiahui and confirmed with her...she tell me only need to enroll for one module...so ok...
Went to the Bank at Jurong East Central... Lotsa people, so just left the money to one of the officers there and left. Then hopped onto dad's car again, he went to park at the multi story car park there...also lots of people de... Then dad went to NTUC to do the insurance while i wait in the car acting as "coupon" -_-. Well, well, waited for quite awhile before i received a phone call...i wondered who it was, anyways, it was dad telling me that still got a long way to go, the system down again?! Nothing to do, so i just fiddled with the things in the car and flipped through the street directory...i know damn bo liao...haha...
Dad came back le, its 4.30pm... Back at the office, saw Jiayi and Vincent msg me through msn... Forgot to sign out my msn... When i wanted to reply them, saw that Jiayi was offline le, so i replied Vincent... Both were asking me about web enrollment, whether to enroll one or two modules. Chatted with Vincent for awhile...
At night, asked Vincent what electives he took...then also ask him his classes for those electives. Want to see who's in the same class as me... So far, i only know of Vincent and Wee Kiat same class as me for IC and WSAS... How great can that be...no one else? Omg, its gonna be boring...haha...lols...joking, joking =p. Then Vincent ask me help him write appeal letter cos he doesn't know how to write. So i just wrote a short and simple one, like the one i wrote when i appealed...
Today, nothing much...as usual went to the bank in the afternoon...lesser people today, but it was because it was raining that's why... Passed by the sony store, saw psp on sale... Its still $455... Guess that's a fixed price or what?
Now, receiving files from Derek...so that can try out whether can solve his problem...
5/10/2005 11:50:00 PM
alone* in the rain;
Yesterday, went out with my friends to celebrate Jiahui's birthday at PS... It turned out to be much more of a class gathering...yeah! Arrived at PS at about 6.50pm...then went to Carrefour to shop awhile with my parents, after that Lixin called me, so i went to look for her...but i saw siti first...so joined her... Other people arrived shortly after that; Jiayi, Wanxing then Kelly...12 in all
Went to Pizza Hut for dinner... Poh Suan arrived after her work...then talked a little about their attachment and stuffs... Then Hong Hao arrived...he drived...wow~ Then me and Kelly were talking about him ferrying us home...aha...
After dinner, they decided to go to a bar nearby at CentrePoint to cut the cake they bought... Actually i know my parents won't allow, but for awhile i think its okay... In the bar everyone has to order at least 1 drink...so i just ordered lime juice...haha... Gees, don't know how to drink rum, voldka and all those thingys... Then just sang birthday song to Jiahui and cut the cake...took some photos, then left le...
Hong Hao agreed to fetch me and Kelly and including Fadhleen home... Wow, and you know, i admire him leh, can drive his dad's car, somemore its Toyota Vios... Eh...but he took the wrong route lah, made sucha big circle...he should go by Holland to Clementi... Instead he went by Bt Timah?! which is a long long way... Then he told me he don't want to go by Holland because would get caught easily by the traffic police?! Haha...
Reached home just in time...my mum ask me where i went after dinner... I just told her we went to cut the cake...then she asked somemore like where i went to cut the cake?!!! I just told her outside mac there lor...gees...cannot tell her...shh~ Omg...ask me so much...my dad never even asked lor...
Today's Sunday...Doing nothing much now...playing games...and then later going out...and so ya...
5/08/2005 12:16:00 PM
alone* in the rain;
Today teaching Clemance again... He fogot a few things i taught him yesterday...omg...nvm, i got patience, i teach again.... Just hope he remembers them before my term starts else i'll be in deep trouble for sure...like its my responsibility to teach him?! My aunt lah... Cos its like no one wants to teach him...all no time, busy... And some of his actions very cute leh...haha... Before going to gents he will ask me for permission?!? Haha...no need mah... Then he ask me is car = van?! I mean...haha...no comment lahs...
One more additional person...thus i have no space to sit in the office...he occupy my space...so squeezy...so i stand most of the time else i would have to squeeze with him... And the problem is, whenever i sit beside to see him do his work...to check whether has he done anything wrongly, he will start asking lotsa questions de... Then you know me lah...i will start helping...in the end i end up doing...haha... Then my dad scold me...say let him do?! Ok i know...should let him learn... But, but, the problem is...he is way too slow!!! I got things to do, but he takes up 2 computers! I cannot even continue doing my things...
And, ya, another thing... Almost scared my wits...that time i still eating lunch somemore... My dad asked him to issue cheque for road tax...i just merely told him cannot issue wrongly, cannot use liquid paper or whatsoever, then he ask me question three to four times... Cos first time i ask him to issue cheque hor, wah...write wrongly two characters...scared me...
Hmm, that something that i've been wondering for a long time... Is it my parents who are too educated or what... Its been many years...why other people's children can go out as and when they want...then i have to go through so much so much trouble before i can go out with my friends...?! Feel so withdrawn... If they say they're concerned about me, i think this is overly concern le... Well, well, nvm...
Horoscope in Life newspaper says this today for Aries:
You've never been known to hold back your feelings -- or anything else, for that matter -- and at the moment, that trait will be particularly visible to one and all. If you've been admiring someone from afar, why not close the distance?
Yea...been feeling this way...If you get what i mean...
5/04/2005 10:59:00 PM
alone* in the rain;
Today a new guy came for work... His name, Wei Ming...he is 32 but no gf?! Okok...cannot laugh at people, wait next time i also no bf... This cannot be true...choy...
Mei Yee started teaching her...then i took over... Its really not easy to teach a person...you really, really need to have the patience... I guess among all in the office which includes my dad, my aunt, Mei Yee and me, i'm the only one who has the nicest attitude...heh...hahas... The other girl teach him quite fast...awhile only say so many things...i think if i'm new also cannot catch up de lor...then sometimes also he got "scolded" Then for me...i slowly teach him step by step then let him do... He don't know he ask me lor...then i repeat again...nvm de... I can understand how he feels...first day only so many things to learn... If i were him i think i wouldn't be able to absorb that much things... But, what can i say...some sort like the first girl...same pattern de...do things slow slow de...teach liao keep on forgetting, must remind him again and again do this way... Real tiring teaching him...just hope he can learn those things faster...
My aunt arrived...asking him what's his name, whether got a christian name or not...easier to call... He said, Clemance... He asked for my name...yea...you know...just as i had guessed, he couldn't pronounce my name Pamela properly at all...nvm, i expected that...few people could pronouce it properly... When he called me, i didn't even know...LOLs...then i just gave a "huh?".
Current mood now - :upset: :exhausted: :confused:
Still upset cos of yesterdays' happenings... Although Derek said he didn't blame me at all, but kinda feel upset...seems to be my fault... If only i'd went, i would spare him less trouble... Humphs, my parents...
Totally drained of energy now...whole body aching...and eyes heavy... I can sleep anytime as long as my head hits the pillows...
Missing someone badly... Confused about my feelings for...shhh~ cannot say... =p
5/03/2005 10:55:00 PM
alone* in the rain;
Well, well, its May Day Public Holiday today...
Wanted to go to school to meet Derek to help him with his project... Was so close and i could have went...but but...things don't turn out the way i wanted it to be always which is super irritating...
Well, here's how the "story" goes... Initially i told my mum first, and she allowed... After that my mum sure tell my dad mah...so that's when the "trouble" starts. Actually initially, my dad allowed me to go de... As usual he ask alot of things lor, then after that my mum started too?! I think if he didn't ask i could have went. He ask who is your that friend... I actually hasitated telling him cos i knew he wouldn't allow if it was a guy... So i just said my friend lah, my classmate, just helping him out cos he don't know how to do... Then after that he keep on asking lor, like is it a girl or a guy? I got no choice but to say it...so i just say its a guy... Then he say i something wrong...help a guy? ...I was like...cannot even help? I mean cannot even help a friend here in trouble?! Next, my mum started asking me, what's the name of your friend...his surname?! Hah...how come even this also must ask? No privacy at all! I got no choice but to tell...to spare her from asking me more... Till here, abit irritated already... Why meeting my friends is always so tiedious?! My mum even said that i was being busybody in helping my friend?! She even added, next time don't agree to help if its only one person and not in a group... I think she worry too much for me?! I say just going to school only...i can go home by myself. Then like she so scared i will get lost, she ask me give myself a time frame, then later come and fetch me?! Super irritated...
After that, about 1pm my dad actually wanted to go clementi for lunch de then later fetch me to school de... Then he must ask me again whether i going or not... I mean confirmed already going why keep on asking and asking... Then he like say what for go and help...not your problem, its his work... That time, i really angry and feeling irritated le...want to say something to fend, but haiz...they always say all these thing to me...don't let me try this and that...when will i grow up?! I gave myself the chance, its them who don't want me to... "Forced" to say don't go...kinda feel abit sad and bad...afterall, i promised him... So after that just smsed him tell him to send me all the things...
Now online, Derek sending me the things... Ahah...he give me homework again sia...LOLS! So i just help him...
Tml new guy coming to work... I got no place to sit in the office again tommorow...humphs.
*i'm just not as cheerful as i used to be...*
*what trust is there in you and me? There's no point going on...*
5/02/2005 10:35:00 PM
alone* in the rain;
I thought today would be a better day, but nontheless, its just as horrible...
Got scolded for nothing...?! Then today like my dad "bu shuang" me... Whatever i do must find fault with me...super irritating... So i just keep quiet...don't even feel like talking to him... Then my mum sides with him also?! So, end up turn out i'm the one who's ALWAYS at fault... Whatever! I just did my own things...most of the time i just stay in my room...i don't even want to step out... I just hate this feeling... Then my dad would say all those stupid remarks to me...i just don't want to fight back le...so sian and tired of it...i just ignore it and continue doing my things...
Whole day i just keep myself occupied...by reading newspapers or books... Don't know why when i'm upset i like to drown myself with "knowledge" through reading and more reading... I think that's the only way to draw away my attention from thinking too much...
The whole day today, i think i carry a sulky face...hah...nvm...don't wanna talk about it liaos... Now online just to update my blog, still feeling abit upset...nvm nvm... Then that Derek say want to ask me thing tommorow...he say he wants to meet me in the afternoon, till now still haven't confirm the time yet... So maybe he knows le...i guess, so nvm...
No mood now to blog anymore...just hope tommorow would be a better day...
5/01/2005 11:05:00 PM
alone* in the rain;
