sweet innocence//alone*

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as i walk alone in the cold rain,
my mind drifted away to the past.
to what we used to be
to the secrets we used to share.
how i wish you were here with me,
sharing the umbrella
in this lonely yet cold night.
whispering sweet nothings in my ear
i miss you so much.

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Derek joined us for lunch today... Haha, i was surprised too... He came to get his laptop fixed i guess... Lunch as usual, "shitting" time...ahaha...must get used to it liao...aiyo...LOL. But, i never shit lah, heh...i very innocent one...bleahx...ok lah, don't crap...just joking... Then he joined us for lesson. The teacher mistaken him as a student and asked why he never bring his laptop...LOL!

Humph, someone suan me today... Don't know what's wrong lah... Lixin started off...-_-. Cos i think she sensed i was happy yesterday through MSN chat bahs...haha, anyway i was happy...=p. How she know? So "clever" wor...like that also can sense... Yesterday i never tell her why i so happy only, then she do the same thing to me today. I only ask her for what she choose for the FYP project, then ask me for reason and so many things! Arghh! Then suddenly say she know why i happy, but don't want to tell me?!!! Haha, very funny and wierd. Then also suddenly say i like someone.........zzz... She think too much liao lah...LOL. I think she thought of "that thing"......no need spell out here lah...too...... I think she too high today lah...lol...kanna influenced...hahas.

Haiz...nvm...upset, upset...she very bad leh...hahaha...

Today also very suay, almost reached my place liao, the bus suddenly slow down, and the engine died! I thought what happened. No more petrol? The driver tried to start the engine a few times, luckily after that ok liao...just shi huo only...false alarm. First time happened to me sia...

Haiz...i really really miss Lay Kuan ah...not her in person actually, her naggings bahs...shh...don't let her see this, she will kill me! Haha...

Happy, happy! Haha, still very happy, don't know for what also...=p...just happy lah...

6/30/2005 06:22:00 PM
alone* in the rain;

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Went to school for SS lecture... Jiahui and gang never come...so sad =(. Then luckily still got my friend, Jiawen. Thought why Jiahui they all never come, so i just called Jiahui, realised she went to see doctor... During one hour break, just went to library to kill time -_-. Saw Wee Kiat and Wanxing on the way to SS practical. Wanxing asked me whether i was going to celebrate Derek's birthday later, i said no, because school until 4pm, very tired le... I think that is the first time i talked to Wanxing also... Haha, first time, everything will have a first time. SS practical was fast...one hour can finish liao. After that, we can leave. Saw my 184, but gosh, when i reached the bus stop it left -_-. Waited for the next bus, either 75 or 184. While waiting, received an sms, i thought who it was. Derek suddenly asked me what time MEL service centre close??? So i just told him. It just come to my mind again, "your com spoil again, need to reformat?" Because, he reformatted his com a few times le.

Wonder what other people have in mind for their FYP projects. Jiahui chose 92. Jiayi got 57 and 58 in mind... He said full house le, think i'm the culprit cos i chose 58...hehe! Others i don't know yet. So much so for this...

I'm stuck for IC Assignment. I'm going to ask the teacher for help tommorow. Hope it helps.

6/29/2005 10:44:00 PM
alone* in the rain;

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Quite a few things happened yesterday...

Monday, as usual, my long day in school. Had IC, assignment starts le... And that Vincent...haiz..."qi fu" wo...in the end gotta "qian jiu" him... He snatch from me what i want to do sia...give me more difficult one to do...lol. I not saying i take easy one lah...but i already thought of doing that...lol. Then he complain he got alot of thing to do, he still got his AA assignment. Aiya, don't talk about him lah, he bad...hahaha...

IC lecture was okay. Then before i went for my QLA lecture, ask the teacher on the IC assignment... Then i realised where i've gone wrong...lol. Went for QLA lecture. Got back my QLA quiz. Scored 17/20. Haiz...lousy loh...All stupid careless mistakes. Then had lunch with my friends, Yi Lin and Chang Ye. Then she was talking about her FYP attachment, that her mentor already chose her for the project and already going for the interview, so ask my not to waste my chance there...because its like already taken... Somemore the project at Ubi...very very far... Lunch time, saw Jiahui they all at canteen 3 already. Just went over to say "hi". Then joined my friends for lunch cos no space to sit there liao mah. Then i was buying vegeterian food, saw the QLA teacher there also. Then so qiao, the QLA teacher joined us for lunch. Talked about life, our school work, working life...blah blah blah...interesting...

After that went for WSAS lecture with my friends lor... Vincent never come...hor hor...pon class again...lol. He went to see movie again with Jiahui and gang. Then saw Wee Kiat, i asked him sit with us lor...then he say i "zhong se qing you"??? Haha, where got... Then after lecture, my friend have 2 hours break, while i went for my WSAS tutorial class. We were all looking at our FYP project, then the teacher saw us choosing ah, ask us whether we got choose her project or not... She said her project quite difficult and challenging...heh...lucky i never choose sia, cos its individual one. I think if she is my supervisor really die lor...no hope le...

QLA lesson, we have homework to hand up every lesson, Chang Ye as usual, ask for my answer to copy...-_-. Just lend him...then he won't bother me liao...=p. At least he never copy blindly lah...haha... Halfway through the lesson, my hp rang, i thought who...the number i not familiar also, but just picked up. Its zip, my mentor! Haiz...call me for what... Just to tell me i never go for the NAPFA briefing??? So i just tell him, i thought NAPFA not compulsary for girls, thought only for guys...then he told me must go, otherwise would affect my results, cos its printed on the certificate... Ok, so maybe i have to go, at least no award can have "participated with no award" on the certificate instead of "absent" meaning fail... Of all people, choose to call me...hah...very funny. Then i ask him what's the briefing on that day about, he said he don't know cos he never go?! He never go expect us to go...

After QLA, bus-stop saw my friends again sia... Then went home with Yi Lin...cos she also taking 184. On the bus, Yi Lin was kind enough to offer to help me carry my laptop for awhile cos she got a place to sit... So kind...thanks so much...cos my laptop was really, really heavy...i dump all the adapter and battery inside. Talked to her abit then reached my place i thanked her for helping me carry my laptop...

Today is WSAS practical test. Its pair work...luckily Vincent came... So paired with him and do... We got some help from other people also lah...hee =). But got one question we never do...loose 15 marks liao... Then the server certificate question, Vincent's computer hang suddenly. Think its the background wallpaper... Can see he fed up...then the teacher want to leave liao...hah, the teacher always like that de, don't wait for you one lor...i kanna one time liao, i know this teachers' pattern...so, i just don't care, hand in lor...bobian...

I'm having some thoughts now... Has hate turned to love ever possible in life? I'm really feeling this now... Last time i hate that person, now slowly liking that person. I feel it amazing also. Got that feeling of uncertainty of whether what i'm doing now is right or wrong. Whether should i carry on hating that person or not... You tell me???

6/28/2005 02:03:00 PM
alone* in the rain;

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Just feeling restless and tired today... I woke up at only 10.30am this morning, but still i dragged myself unwillingly out of my bed...still wanting to sleep more... So i woke up, had a late breakfast, then went online to do some stuffs. About 12.20pm, gotta get ready go my god parents home le...cos need to let my god father sign something. So, i just packed up my things, then left. The trip there was super long, cos they stay somewhere near ubi there... So you can imagine the distance from west to east... Almost fell asleep on the car... Reached there at about 1pm. Just went into the house...hmm, its been sometime since i last went there... Heh, their dogs are fierce...barking non-stop all the way, ever since i stepped into the house. Anyway, just went in for awhile, after that, left for lunch at a shopping centre, Marine Parade. Then shopped a little while...nothing special or interesting caught my attention...

At about 3.30pm, we left, cos the parking fees there are super expensive, comparable to those at orchard. Reached home at about 4pm. Slept a little while cos was very, very, very tired... Then decided to just come online, cos i was bored. Saw Lay Kuan online, so i just sent her the songs she wanted. Then chatted a little while with her...but i left soon cos i went to see house for sale somewhere near my grandma's place, 12 Cashew Terrace. That house is fully renovated, i don't understand why the owner wants to sell it. Overheard that he used it for business, maybe his business failed bahs, that's why wanna sell it. After that went home again, bathe, then online again......i think online-ing has become my hobby... When i've got nothing to do, i just go online, cos that's the fastest way to kill time i guess? But, so sad, Lay Kuan went offline le...haiz...i just miss the times together with her...i only knew her well for 3 semesters, wasted the first semester...cos...haha, i think only she knows the reason why i never talked to her in semester 1 =). Online till about 7pm plus, then went over to grandma's place for dinner. Watched a little TV, read newspapers. After that left and went to Shing Shiong Supermarket at Ten Mile Junction. Bought some food and drinks and otah.

Now, online again! Its so bored you see...=x. Currently choosing what i want for my FYP. Lots of choices, i don't know which would be the best. Maybe i'll ask my friends for some advices...

Loosing my sense of humour. Having lots of thoughts...

*still thinking about your words......hope you can spur me to greater heights...

6/26/2005 10:25:00 PM
alone* in the rain;

Friday, June 24, 2005

Someone told me to change for the better. My problem? He said because i said things too straight / direct...??? Eh...how true can this be, and to what extent? I never knew i said things so directly... So funny, first time people told me that... What's wrong with being direct? By the way, i'm also not that direct. Ok, lets say, if i weren't direct, people won't get what i'm saying right? And, wouldn't it be a waste of time if i go round about the bush? He said, saying things too directly hurts feelings... That i certainly agree. Because i felt that alot of times le. And maybe because i hurt this friend of mine also, but he just deny it... "This thing cannot be solved within one day, you need time to think about it yourself, how you can change yourself......Only you know yourself best" -- how true can it be when i don't know how to go about changing myself? =x. Is this how stress can make people to become? Telling me something which i do not want to hear at all. Feeling angry, and sad at the same time to know this is how people think of me. Wanted to cry, but no tears roll out. But, this also shows that a friend cares for you...well, maybe...this type of "care"? Argh, which is something i do not want to hear? Well, maybe to be caring has alot ways, this is the indirect way? Really like my parent, always saying something i hate to hear. I don't know...misunderstandings......

Growing up in a "comparing" environment, i occassionally still tend to compare myself with others although i told myself not to. There are some things i still do not quite understand, so i ask to know more... Maybe the things i asked are funny...but as long as i find out the reason, its okay. What i say, although its true, would always be very funny...don't understand... Of 10 things i said, 9 would always be wrong, by hook or by crook. Right things turn out wrong... No one wants to believe me...

Having sleepness nights. Tossing and turning on my bed for an hour or so before i could sleep... This feeling i've never had such a long time, and now, it happens to me again. I don't want to say i think too much again...otherwise someone would say me again......

Had lunch with Lay Kuan and Kelly today near their work place. I suddenly felt the distance between Lay Kuan and Kelly... Never meeting them for such a long time, suddenly lost the "touch and feel" with them. Longing for those days to happen again, but i knew it would not be back ever again, until some time later at our graduation when we meet each other for our "last times". Didn't knew what to talk about to them. But i think they were my closest closest friends in poly, so somehow, there's still some "muo qi". Missed Lay Kuans' naggings...heh...but i think i won't get to hear it for a long long time...lol. Now, i know how this feeling is...very terrible...although its your friend only... Time really pulls feelings and relationships apart... Really really wished, the earth would stop turning so that time would just freeze there... I know this is wishful thinking.

Feeling terrible..., would you like it if people were to pin point you? I'm not saying you, but anyone... Just can't accept this fact... Haiz...shi bai...always think of things de... Really don't feel like thinking so much. The more i think, the more i make things to be more complicated when its supposed to be simple. Feel like running away from reality..........but, is it possible? Tao bi bu shi jie jue de fang fa......haiz......

6/24/2005 10:38:00 PM
alone* in the rain;

Thursday, June 23, 2005

QLA quiz today. Thought after the quiz still got lecture de, but then the teacher bluff us, make those finish le wanna leave cannot leave, then after when all finished the quiz, he said sign attendence then can leave liao?! So its only 10am, next lesson is at 11am. Wanted to look for Jiahui they all de cos they also got break from 10 - 11. But then called her, realised she just left home only... Hor hor, she skip lesson...haha... So i just went to the library to kill time. Luckily i brought my laptop with me... Then after that went for SS lesson. Jiahui and Siti were there before me. SS lesson was okay...public key, private key......symmetric cryptography, asymmetric cryptography......blah, blah, blah... Then lunch break, waited for Vincent to have lunch together. They all decided to go to watch movie. Haha, Vincent also go...he skip lesson...hor hor...lols. So after lunch, they went to Yishun, Northpoint, or is it Tiong Bahru...hahas, to watch movie. I went to library again...to kill time...pester Lay Kuan, cos she having lunch, but she never reply me, only now then i saw the message, haha.

Times' up, just went to IC lesson. Thought would be alone, but then got a friend come and join me...cos her friend also never come. Today graded practical somemore, Vincent never come... Haiz, he better do it and upload to the server or else considered late and no marks. Haha, just repeating what's the teacher saying. So we were given time to ourselves to do the second part of this weeks' practical. Actually i did le, but then still got errors. So i checked myself first, see i can solve it before asking the teacher. And yeah, found out where i've gone wrong. Finally completed, so i just helped out my friend if she got questions. Teacher briefed us on the assignment, then left at 4pm. Left with my friend...then talked about our electives, our friends...

Then we took 184 together. Now at home le... Listening to Ou De Yang's new album's songs... Wow, very nice...really...every song... I recommend you all to listen especially the song Liu Se Cai Hong!

6/23/2005 05:04:00 PM
alone* in the rain;

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

"A wooden pupet would always made fun of..." - well, this is for what i think. I ponder...

"Hao Xin Mei Hao Bao..." - i ponder again, deeply..... My father always said this this me. Kinda like brain washed liao... Sometimes it seemed so true...

"Lao Hu Bu Fa Hui, Ba Wo Dang Chen Bing Mao..." - very familiar phrase...

"Don't Judge a Book By Its Cover" in chinese called, "Ren Bu Ke Mao Xiang" - hmm...

What am i trying to drive at...well...nothing actually =x. Just starting to ponder very deeply again...

Sometimes i feel myself very looked down upon... Yesterday my mum just asked me what am i going to do after i graduate from poly. I told her i am going to try to go to a local University. If i cannot make it, i want to work le... Then she told me, "what?! You want to start working with just a diploma certificate? People are gonna look down on you and step on you......" Her words make me think again... But i wonder, people these days prefer poly grads. Even if you're from a University, some people still need to consider you. And take a look, many people who are jobless are University Grads. Am i right? So i wonder what makes her say this. Maybe she just wants me to study more and to know more... Afterall, she's also a University grad. So i think she thinks this way; if i also don't go to University, people will look down on me and her because they will think, how come the parents so clever, the child leh... You get what i mean right? People are very "xian shi" one... You good, people come look for you. You not so clever, people don't even bother about you... I'm not saying anyone here... But, i guess this is just how everyone thinks right? You see teachers, very good example liao le... Some teachers just biased one...

I feel i just don't have the talent. I mean, i'm just not as clever as my cousins. Luckily i don't have siblings else it'd be worse off. I think i'll end up fighting with him or her and get more stressed. This issn't the way. Why...why people go for the word "clever". "Ohh, you see he's so clever. Why can't you be half of him?" - i'm sick of this phrase. So what if not clever...clever, so what?! Very stupid right? Don't know why lah... I'm really sick of all these... Can stop comparing me with others? It just so happened all my cousins are a thousand times cleverer than me, make me feel so stupid... Well, maybe they got the brains... I got this cousin of mine, so proud de...humph...hate her...everytime i see her, show that proud look...like trying to say, "see i'm so clever, i'm in JC now...hahaha, and you, in poly! Hahah!!!" But, really lor, i think she thinks this way. Even adults think this way liao lor...they just never say it out only. I can feel one de...these things who want to say it out directly right??? Growing up in a comparing environment is super stressful. So, i only remembered once where i so called did my parents proud. I got 96 for Maths in p4, way higher than my cousin, one year younger than me de. But, aiyah, what for right? Compare, compare, compare, they happy, but i'm not... Win liao, so prove what??? Prove that i'm cleverer lah? Nothing lor... Eh, this game super tiring. Now its at least better liao... How to compare, cannot liao mahx. He in JC, i'm in poly. Well, all are in JC, i'm the first to go poly...super miserable right? Then cos there was once got a few As, then my dad go tell all my relatives that i improved liao, also very good...heh, this thing no need announce one mah... Don't know why, let people compare and say again -_-. Then all my relatives say me lah, "so you in poly also very good mah, must study hard..." Stress me even furthur only. Then my ah ma everytime ask me go help my dad... Aiyah, am i given a choice in life or not?!!! Hate people to decide things for me! They don't let me say what i think then decide for me le. Even if i say, they would just say, "what's so good about that? Do this thing better..." Stop picking me to compare! Rants, rants, and more rants.

Tired and upset...miserable...

6/21/2005 12:00:00 PM
alone* in the rain;

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Sunday, a day of sian-ness... Woke up in the morning feeling very "sickly". I never even switch on the fan yet i'm feeling cold...i find myself hiding under the blanket for awhile before crawling out of bed. Until now still not feeling much better... I can still feel cold when the wind blows.

Nothing really much to do now... Assignment's coming up...IC first...but luckily its pair work... Argh, more coding...i wonder who to seek for help if i have problems...haiz...really miss those days when i have Lay Kuan and Kelly with me...i think only they will listen to what i say...my nonsense and everything...lol. Nvm, now still have Jiahui and gang, and a few others bahs...better than no one at all.

Yesterday was out almost the whole day. Fetched mum to her wedding buffet first at fort canning park there first, then me and dad went to Suntec City for a late lunch. Bought sushis at carrefour. Yah, my favourite! Heh... After that mum called then we went to fetch her. Headed to Specialists Shopping Centre, Urban Warehouse, then OG Orchard Point. Damn tiring day... Then went back to good old IMM for dinner at Kopitiam. Having no appetite partially because i'm still very full from the late lunch i had and also i was having cold the whole of yesterday, sneezing the whole day.

Tommorow's good old Monday again... Really hate Mondays cos i envy all my friends who end school earlier than me... I end at 5pm ah...so late...and i hate to go home at that time...siansation...cos thats when all people end school and lotsa people at the bus stop. Nvm, one day only...

6/19/2005 12:38:00 PM
alone* in the rain;

Friday, June 17, 2005

Finally, the day which i've longed came today...Friday's the day... Finally can have a good nice rest...

Yesterday, while looking for softwares, i got infected with a spyware...shit... But, phew, i managed to solve the problem all by myself...heh =). Really must delete and search for all those files...and then run a few spyware softwares to kill them all... Yah, it might seem simple but then, quite tiedious... Anyway, don't talk about it le...its over...

Wednesday, Vincent kanna forced by Jiahui to attend SS lecture again ah...poor thing... Then Jiahui wanna ask him go to the practical lesson also...lol! After SS lecture was one hour break. Jiahui and Vincent both go disturb Poh Suan ah...haha...

Today, nothing much, just IS, WISP lesson, movie watching session! But its war movies lah, The Longest Day and Band Of Brothers.

I somehow feel the distance that we are drifting apart. Before, we have endless topics to talk about, now, its different. I wish that i could turn the clock back and be as we were before... Longing for those days which have become memories now...

6/17/2005 06:00:00 PM
alone* in the rain;

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Yeah, i'm overjoyed today! Haha...i must be crazy, being overwhelmed with such little things. But, i was really surprised. WSAS lesson practical... we were doing our practical as usual. The teacher suddenly come up to me and said, "Pamela, i've decided not to impose late marks on your wsas test practical because you never changed anything. But, make sure don't let it happen again ok?" She said this in a very nice manner and I was stunned, shocked for a moment, wondering what i heard is true or not. I quickly thanked the teacher... I was much more than grateful... Following that, the teacher even gave me a pat on my shoulder...heh...much needed...lol... But, really, i feel much lighter after that... Argh, but 10 marks still gone, cos i missed out the last question...actually i missed out the last question, it was already too late, that's why i stayed back to try on it to see whether it works, whether or not i have the mark, i didn't think alot about that...i just wanted to know i can do or not. That explains my late submission.

Bleahs, so contented with such little things...haha...that's me =). Well, i believe everything i've got is a gift in life. I thankful i got these things i got and i don't ask for more... But, to "fight" for what we should deserve is another thing... As in, i know i keep much things to myself most of the time. But, if i ought to speak up, i will speak up...

Today i had only one lesson which is WSAS practical from 9am to 11am... Haha, Vincent late ah..."fly" to school, he took cab...lol. So started doing practical... Then as usual ah, when Vincent ask me something, and he don't know, then after he knew the answer, he blame the paper; instructions not clear lah, teachers' fault lah...hahahaha...haiz...sometimes really really cannot stand him...nvm, sometimes i ren...lol. Take for example Monday, i went to library look for him and Wee Kiat, reached there, that row no place to sit...cos i thought actually can sit with them one row, then he ask me to sit on the floor?!?!!! I tell him go and die ah...ahaha, why don't he sit on the floor and i sit on his place instead!

Hmm...so ya, after WSAS practical, went to look for Jiahui and gang, Chun Shen is there also. Then Jiahui they all decided to skip AVFE practical. So, we just went for lunch at Alumni. As usual, Vincent and Jiahui both got alot to talk about... Actually is Jiahui suanning Vincent, and then Vincent very zuai one lah, don't know zuai about what...lol. Sat there ate, and then talked a little till about 1pm. Then me, Jiahui and Lixin headed for home. Vincent go and meet his friends for project i think. Reached home, i thought mum at home, cos she took leave until end of this week, then realised mum's car not in carpark, so my assumption she is not at home. So, reached home, called her through her hp, but no one picked up the call... So, i guess she must be driving... Then later mum called me, orh, she's at IMM Giant, she meet her Principal there... Haiz...that place again. Then i think they went shopping there ah, buy lotsa groceries.

Then, chat with Lay Kuan a little...haiz...chat with her, she always talk about these two things... Her favourite "win/loose" topic and gf/bf topic -_-. Haha...but then ok lah...then she say everytime i talk about guys at the gf/bf topic i sound serious...well, am i? LOL.

6/14/2005 11:30:00 PM
alone* in the rain;

Monday, June 13, 2005

I've been having mixed feelings these few days. Sometimes, i feel like a chameleon. Yes, but something contradicting is that i just don't show it...even at the exterior. You see, chameleon changes colour when it is at different environments, i don't even show anything, i don't get angry, i don't show face. Wierd right? Maybe i'm just but a mixed-up chameleon. Should i say i just don't bother to show it or i just do not want to show it cos it will hurt feelings. Here i go again, i know you all will say i "think too much" yet again... All people have feelings and emotions, so do i. I just don't show it so readily. Other than in school, one moment i can feel sad, then another moment can feel happy again. I just need someone to talk to me, make me laugh, make me feel happy. Really...

Today super long day, 9am - 5pm. I'm the only one. Vincent end at 3pm, Wee Kiat even earlier 2pm. Vincent's been complaining the whole of today that he is very tired -_-. After lunch, went to 4th floor library look for Vincent and Wee Kiat. Haha, guess what, of course Vincent there sleeping ah...then Wee Kiat as usual surfing the net. I just went opposite to sit, cos no more place there to sit le, then nothing to do, so just read lecture slides. Behind me, i think one couple ah, then came another couple sit beside me... Cos they were so close to me, i could hear every word they say. Haiz...sometimes i just admire them... But, really i think if you have a gf or bf, you would feel very happy. Imagine the feeling of anxiety when you see him everyday, how you would feel when he smiles at you, what he says to please you... I think that feeling is very good. Hah, i must be day dreaming... Anyway, i never had that feeling before, cos i'm not given a chance eh... Wish that this chance come sooner~ Hahah...no lah...kidding...*blushes*

Its late into the night now, well actually its only 12.12am. Overwhelmed with that lonely feeling again...so quiet over here...

*i just want someone to share my thoughts*

6/13/2005 11:49:00 PM
alone* in the rain;

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Humph...so sad...

One said i think too much...the other leh, make "fun" of me... Hmm...this phrase, "think too much", one week people can tell me 4, 5 times de...getting worse and worse liao... Don't know its them or is it just me?! Cannot be me ah... Concerned about people mah...so i ask to see how they feel, then they say i think too much liaos... Sobs, sobs... Haiz... Then, also say i don't know what is humour? Ok, maybe i don't know how to spell that word that goes, h-u-m-o-u-r. Okok, i must cool down and stay cool...

Gotta know why people say i "think too much". The main reason i guess, is perhaps, people misunderstand me...many times...

Okok, need to cont'd with my work liao...my friend here...really know how to relax sia...really admire him...

6/12/2005 10:40:00 PM
alone* in the rain;

Friday was the presentation for our first assignment for WISP. We see the teachers' expression...oh no...didn't expect some good comments... But, nvm, we did our best right? And, what's important is we learn from this experience... I think this teacher quite strict la...almost all the groups, even those that i think was very good, he only say like just above average only... He got high expectations, and i think he expect the ppt to be quite detailed and we say out the stereotype thoroughly...

Yesterday was supposed to go for siti's concert de...but shit...something gotta happen last minute...sian...cannot go...humphs...

Today, i'm going out for lunch again... Haiz...getting sick of outside food... But, we as human beings still have to eat...haha... Ok...i gotta get going now...lotsa things waiting for me to be done...

6/12/2005 01:00:00 PM
alone* in the rain;

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

My dad was asking me about which handphone i want to change to...then he ask me which hp can change liao, cos we got 3 hp in our family, one for me, my dad and my mum... Then i said my mum's one lor...got 2 years liao...only after 2 years then eligible for upgrade. Then he asked me want to change to Nokia 6260... He ask me how much, i said, with trade in $338 i think. But, i said don't want that one, too bulky liao, although it has got lots of functions. I said i just want a simple one would do, so i suggested 7260, you know, the one with the S shape. I like it when the phone has a combination of black and red... It just suits this phone nicely, and it extrudes its personality... What's more i think that hp got FM radio which i want. So, don't know whether can change or not...up till now he never even tell me anything... Really wish can change...

Met Jiahui and gang for lunch today. Vincent joined us later... His greeting? "Shit you in the face!"... How "nice~" can he get these days right? Then ah, he gotta talk about shit all the time ah, the different colour, the topping...aiya, grouse -_- Can't he be more, uh hmm, socialised? LOL. Haha, wonder how Jiahui stand him... Ok, nvm, don't elaborate more on it le, otherwise i don't even have the appetite to have my dinner...haha.

Missing some people at this moment... Just wish those days would be back again. So fun being with them. Well, if only i could turn back the clock.........or if i could get into a time machine to go back in time.........

6/08/2005 05:00:00 PM
alone* in the rain;

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Today was WSAS Practical. Maybe i was abit slow...or i think i think way too much...simple thing do until so complicated...LOL. Then the teacher really what one leh... I thought i show her finish liao, i wonder why she walk away go help other people. Then she forgot put the tick. When i ask her put the tick cos i thought she finish checking, she ask me show her again?! -_- So, nvm i show... Then, i think i missed out the last part, last minute then rush... Then the last part supposed to be easy de...but then something went wrong ah... I check one million and one times...everything is correct... It can't display the page. There seemed to be a html page which i did not create, but it executes that page. I added my own html page and by right, it should execute that page, but it appears to be executing a page which i did not create hidden somewhere. Argh, nvm... Then i got this feeling, this teacher abit bias. Now, i finally understand how Jiahui feels when she said the OOP teacher was bias. Forget it, i really hate this feeling. Feeling abit neglected you know? Well, maybe here i go again...as everyone has always been telling me...i think too much... By the way, i really think alot? Haha... Well, maybe, yes...at times. Sometimes, i'm just too afraid to face the outcome...i'm afraid i can't take the outcome... Jiahui gave me a very good advice...well, she is right =).

At night, came the second scary news. The teacher emailed me said i was present, but no mark given cos i never submit the wsas script!?! What the?!!! I submit to her personally...and she collected from me personally!!! I will reason with her one...urgh...

Feeling so lousy today...this issn't my day at all today... The whole day, i just keep lamenting...not because of the test...but don't know why...you know...just feel down, down, down...all the way... Encouragement words from anyone? Haiz...sad... Just gonna pretend nothing happen. Don't want to show it in front of people.

6/07/2005 10:49:00 PM
alone* in the rain;

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Yesterday, ordered pizza from Pizza Hut for lunch... 2 pizzas for $23. One of them was Aloha and the other Hawaiian. Whole morning and afternoon was at home. At night, wenta Suntec for dinner at the Kopitiam. Then went Carrefour. Bought my sushis'! Then some vegetables for salad. After that, went to first floor, last 2 days offer for the clothes in IORA. So me and mum just went there to have a look. Saw a skirt that i liked... Lucky got S size... Went to try it, just nice...so bought it... Mum also bought a pants for herself. Wanted to see others, but gonna close le...they even off the lights sia...so no choice, we need to pay and leave. Reached home its 11pm. But i only slept at 1am.

This morning, woke up super late... Think its the latest. 10.30am! Scare me...i thought still 9am +. Ate breakfast. Then i got a urge to play my piano! So long never play it le... Took out my book of sonatinas' and play my favourite pieces...Still very much in love with Pachabel's Cannon in D by Bach and Guang Huai Fang Shi! Guang Huai Fang Shi i learnt all by myself how to play de...haha, still very proud of it =p. Then suddenly my mum came out, tell me that she very surprised i playing...then she also say, lucky the piano haven't turn rusty yet. My dad leh, he thought i record and play de -_-. Haiz...sarcastic...lol. Then now online to update bloggy.

Later going out for lunch again, don't know to where yet...

And did i say i got a sensitive nose before...? Aha, its always been bothering me... When it gets super bad, it gets blocked most of the time and i get watery eyes and feel very uneasy. Yes, that's whats happening to me now... Sneezing most of the time too...haiz... Just hope i get better real soon~

Ahah, ok, nvm, nobody reads my blog...so toodles~

6/05/2005 12:27:00 PM
alone* in the rain;

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Alrights, some updates...

Thursday:
I had two hours break. Morning was QLA lecture for 2 whole hours... I gotta admit this is a dry module, with lotsa calculations and concepts to grasps, but ok lah, i like...everything we have to learn from scratch... Next was SS tutorial, met Jiahui they all...then Jiahui was talking about the new IBM notebooks sold for year 1 students this year...wah, damn cheap lor... Less than $3000 you get a new notebook. What's more is that they are all newer than mine and the functions are way better! T42 and T43 cost about $2400+ i think... Haiz...damn saddening...i got mine for $3000+. Urgh...nvm...

SS tutorial was okay...most of the answers have to relate to real life happenings ah, cannot refer to the book most of the time le...

Then, off for lunch at canteen 3. Vincent also came and joined us. Again, Vincent there, very zuai one lah, haha, don't know for what...no wonder Jiahui cannot stand him most of the time. Then was talking about handphones, Jiahui tell us she got alot of phones at home; hp plus the normal home phone. Haha...ya...so good wor, everyday can change phone de... Then make fun of her say that she like phone supplier sia...LOL. Hmm, next time i want to buy hp i go find her liao =p.

Then Jiahui they all left for IC lecture le...me and Vincent still got 1 hour more to go before IC practical starts. So we just went to the class first. Nothing to do, so we just surf the net. Then as usual ah, i'm really bored to death liao, i do the IC practical first... Anyway copy codes only... Teacher come liao, Vincent ask for the VB.NET disk to install...super long wait...but install finish liao still cannot work, even after installing IIS. Then the teacher "help" him by repairing again -_-, which means reinstalling... So gotta wait again lor...haiz...super long. Then he ask me when i leaving, i said i will wait for him... Then i see him play games ah, haha, so funny de... In the end he say all those game bo liao...lol. Finally, he decided to install at home... Another person come and ask us return the disk for him cos he cannot find the teacher...but we decided to return the disk on Monday. Haha, so one set is still with me now... Maybe i gonna copy the setup files to my external hdd to keep a copy *evil grinz* heheh...

Friday:
Reached school super early, cos got a lift from mum. Was the first to reach. Then, Chun Shen arrived. Ask me stupid question again...haha... I sit infront of that class...then he said, "this class ah?" Like he got nothing to ask like that... Then Jiahui and Siti arrived le. Finally, the teacher arrived. About 1 hour was on lecture on prejudice, discrimination and racisim. The next hour is for our assignment. We decided to do on music. After some discussion, we can leave liao. Waited for Lixin. Then Jiahui wanted to go home cos she needed to look after her grandfather. So we left our seperate ways le. Had lunch at grandma's place, reached home at around 1.40pm.

Today:
I may be smiling all the way. Laughing... Just to show that i'm nice. But deep in me, i feel sad, demoralised. I feel like i'm lost in the woods, suffocating anytime... Maybe i'm one who doesn't know how to express myself fully and appropriately, maybe i'm just tempermantel... I admit that this may be a bad point about me. I understand that short comings can be overcomed, but i'm afraid that this is the only short coming i can't bring myself to overcome it. Someone tell me how...

Whenever i'm all alone by myself, i let my thoughts run wild. Especially if i got a seat in the bus, and i'm at the window seat... Maybe that's when i "hu si luan xiang"... I just put myself in the past again...

Well, sounds scary right... Well, i'm not that... Its just whenever i'm alone, i think too much. I can't be that scary, ain't i? You always see me so cheerful always... I just hope there's someone whom i can always confide in, be it rain or shine, and be there for me always...and forever~

6/04/2005 02:25:00 PM
alone* in the rain;

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Yesterday, was so uncomfortable... Feeling dizzy most of the time =/. Dunno why...

Reached school early to join Jiahui and gang for lunch... Then realised vincent not there ah...so quiet...so i asked where is Vincent lor, why never come? Orh, realised he got some camp, so never come to school today... Then Lixin say i miss him...lol...nono, this is called concerned =p. Haha, most of the time Jiahui talked about her primary school life cum childhood life... Realise the teachers abit ridiculous one, everytime anyhow hit people de... After that went for SS lecture.

SS lecture ah...wow, the teacher talked alot...and his 14 slides could last an hour... What's good in this is that he say lotsa extra information, then we were writing down notes frantically... Yes, we! First time i see Jiahui write so much on her notes also ah...haha! First time, lecture could be so interesting... After lecture, went library to slack awhile...read magazines...then left for SS practical le. SS practical also nice ah! First time had such an enjoyable practical. Learn how to "hack" peoples' computer...haha! Teacher went through the answers then left at around 3.30pm.

Reached home at around 4.30pm...

I can't believe it, i'm offically year 3 on 24 May 2005. I'm old liao...haiz... It seemed like just yesterday that i entered poly.

Been feeling i've been missing something these days. I wonder what it is...hmm...

5 more days to my dad's birthday! Mum's one is approaching too! Gosh, both my parents birthday in June ah... Oh ya, suddenly remembered another friends' birthday also in June... So many peoples' birthday in June...

6/01/2005 05:42:00 PM
alone* in the rain;