sweet innocence//alone*

[ .d i s c l a i m e r. ]

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as i walk alone in the cold rain,
my mind drifted away to the past.
to what we used to be
to the secrets we used to share.
how i wish you were here with me,
sharing the umbrella
in this lonely yet cold night.
whispering sweet nothings in my ear
i miss you so much.

Saturday, July 30, 2005

This week was rushing for WISP Assignment. On Friday went to school to prepare for the presentation, but in the end we did not present, because we saw that other groups were of very high standard, and if we went out and present, we'd be very dead, cos we were not that well prepared yet... So, we decided to make the slides more presentable, and clearer, and perhaps add a video? I think we'd be better prepared this coming Friday...

Yesterday Lay Kuan chat with me, asking me about something in her report. About the Professional Issues thingy... Tried to help her, so hope she understands. Then i think she went MIA for awhile, i thought where she went... At night she come say sorry to me saying she never reply? Haha...i understand de...LOL. She say scared that "wo bu li ta" meaning next time i don't reply her...lol... Bu hui de lah...haha.

Was very tired, so went to sleep quite early. Then i actually woke up at 8.30am this morning, but i went back to sleep again, in the end i awoke at only 9.30am -.-". Did nothing much, watched a little TV. Its cartoons in the morning on channel 8. Then just nice, there's Doraemon at 10am! Aha, i know a little childish lah, but nothing to watch leh. Doraemon's pocket is really full of surprises. If only i had that pocket like his right??? I must be daydreaming!

Nothing much to do now, so just come online. Lunch later is going to be Pizza again -.-". Hawaiian Pizza from Pizza Hut.

Update again next time.

7/30/2005 11:47:00 AM
alone* in the rain;

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Today i only had WSAS practical. After that i have no more lessons. So, went home... Called grandma late, and because she never cook anything, so i had to settle my own lunch. Then i told her nvm, i just cook packet noodles and ate. Once in awhile, packet noodles taste nice also la...=).

Completed my resume and then emailed to mum for her to check for me, cos she said she wanna help me to check... Haiz, so what's up next? There'd probably be an interview...i'm numbed...the first interview screwed up... But, i hope no interview...resume still not enough info there?! I wonder, i thought this project require 2/3 students, how come the supervisor only sent an email to me ask me to write resume? The other student who chose this project no need?! Or is it like what Jiahui told me, the supervisor know that student, and so yah, he just pick him, no need to see anything... Hey...no fair! LOL. Anyways, nvm, i think they just want to see your ability bahs, nothing else...

Sometimes, i really feel there is no freedom...not as in i'm not allowed to do this and that all those things...well, how should i put it? Just feeling very miserable, and i'm feeling this has become a burden to me?! Keep on thinking about it...why can't i have my own way! Then all want me to go that "alien" place which i do not want to! Stop forcing me!!! Then they got to mention it everytime!!! I just don't want ok or not?! Yes, i'm not talking about my friends at all, its just my parents plus relatives!!! I can't take this anymore... I don't know why they like to "force" me in doing something which i do not like at all... Its for my good i know...but, i tell you, i don't like i won't do any better... I think its just like my primary and secondary school days bahs. I just don't like studying then, cos the subjects are super dry...english, chinese, science, all the languages, year in year out for 10 years!!! Its just getting tougher, that's all! But no choice, have to study...just that i don't do well everytime. Then got scolded "stupid" everytime...reason? Because my cousins and other people out there can do so much better, why can't i??? Sick and tired of this. I'm not stupid ok, just maybe, slow in learning... All individuals are different. All learn at different paces. Am i right? I explained to them so many times le, but they just die die want me go there -.-". When would they feel how i'm thinking?! Just wanna breakdown and cry, but no use...it doesn't solve matters at all... I just hope someone would understand how i feel... My friends, maybe some of them, i hope so...

7/26/2005 05:43:00 PM
alone* in the rain;

Monday, July 25, 2005

Lets see, went to school at about 10am for IC Lecture... When i reached school, i was still early. Then Vincent arrived. As usual, he gave me that tired tired look...like not enough sleep like that... Aha, so don't agitate or irritate him, i keep quiet...hahas. IC lecture was quite fast... Then left for QLA lecture with Yi Lin and Chang Ye le...

Yeah, i got back my QLA paper... I was surprised, my linear programming question fully correct?! I thought i did it wrongly. Hmm, overall the paper quite okay, i'm quite satisfied... Then after the teacher went through the paper we can leave le... Yi Lin went to look for her friend. That Chang Ye suggested to go MAC at King Albert Park for lunch, so i just said ok, anything, then Tin Song also followed us... So i left with them...me and 2 guys -.-". Really no topic to talk about them when they keep talking about the dunno what game lah...something like Star Craft / War Craft de... The name of the game, dunno what galaxy de...forget liao... I think the games guys like to play would always revolve around this type of games ah...hahas... On the way while walking out of school...i was on the opposite side of the walkway, then i think i saw Huiping! She was with her friend! I didn't recognise her wrongly! I keep on looking the other side...i thought i saw wrongly at first...but no! Ahhs, missed her lots...my secondary school best pals along with Shuling! Although got some misunderstandings, but we are still friends right? Hope misunderstanding cleared...=) Everytime see her, mei you yuan fen one...didn't get a good chance to talk with her...haiz... One day must have a good chance to talk with her...haha...

Ok, back to the topic...i was saying, we were going to MAC for lunch. They were discussing whether to take the bus or walk there... I said walk can? I don't have bus concession...hehe. Then they all just said ok lor... Wah, they so good...so qian jiu me?!!! Haha! Along the way just listen to them crap... Some jokes really lame lor...i also laugh...haha!

Reached there...so many people, most of them from RGSS i think. So many groups of them, mostly from Raffles Girls! Then the queue was soo long, sian half -.-". Then the guys volunteered go and buy. I just told them what i want... Then bcos i want my drink changed to ice lemon tea instead of coke and i also want curry sauce, Chang Ye made a remark said girls are girls, very ma fan one...-.-". Ate le, went to Cold Storage bcos Chang Ye wants to buy his hair gel...then left for school le cos got WSAS lecture at 1pm.

WSAS lecture was fast, next was WSAS tutorial... Got back my two practical tests...... The teacher went through the tutorial then we can leave le... At QLA class while waiting for the teacher, did the SETs. I got 3 to do... Then if you haven't finished doing them, there's got this system that would keep generating reminders and send to you...irritating! So i quickly completed them... QLA tutorial just do one question only...then can leave le. I left with as usual, Chang Ye and Tin Song lor...i think they are the only 2 i know better in QLA class, including Yi Lin. It was raining heavily then... Took 184 home with Tin Song...

Reached home, bathe, then online saw Lay Kuan! Its so rare seeing her online at home, at night! As usual, she playing neopets! Hehe...i know liao hor? Her favourite pastime online...lol! Then i gotta prepare dinner and go eat le, she also need to go offline go do her report...so sad...but she say when she free she will come chat with me...wah...so good...me so touched...bleahx...=p.

Thoughts for the day:

Actually, i don't know whether to feel happy or sad sometimes. Happy but after that sad because of a setback... I want to run away from reality, but reality just appears right infront of me... I just hate this feeling of regret... Just feeling sad... I hope time can recover my wounds... I really hope so...

7/25/2005 10:07:00 PM
alone* in the rain;

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Friday night, had dinner at......err...well, its not in a restaurant, its outside in an open field with hokkien opera =x. My dad fetched my second aunt there in our car, we went together. On the way, my second aunt was talking about Mei Yee...cos she 26 liao still no bf?!!! Haha...think is her expectation high bahs... I just listened to what my aunt say... She say if the guy ugly she don't want liao?! Haha, she judge guys based on looks, -.-".

Reached the place, one table for my family + relatives. My relatives who were there included my uncle and aunt, second aunt, third uncle and aunt and my god ma! Haiz...my cousins never go... My dad told me there'd only be 4 dishes and rice. So i quickly eat alot in the first two dishes ah...scared not full mah...hahas. My second aunt also thought only 4 dishes so she also ate alot for the first two dishes...heh... But turns out, my god ma told me got 9 dishes in all! I was so full by the fifth dish already. The food quite okay lah...comparable to those in the restaurant.

At the place, we were talking and gossiping with each other. My third aunt again talked about her children?! She talked about her eldest daughter, every friday like to go out until so late...till 12am... Then her second son, got gf already, she say she worried, scared like the guy who go commit suicide...if the girl don't want him. Then my third aunt suddenly say i matured already?! Haha, like real...

Saturday, went to my dad's office to help him cos Mei Yee went home back to Malaysia, cos her sister give birth... Just helped to issue CI, fill in forms and issue cheque...wah...so busy...no time to even take a breather! Before i realise, its already 1.30pm. Just made my way down to MAC for lunch. Bought back to the office to eat. Cleared up some things then left. Reached home at about 3.30pm. At night, wenta Suntec for dinner. Then shopped awhile at Carrefour. Bought my usual sushis!

Sunday. We went to IMM for lunch?! Ate Long John Silver sandwitch, actually its wrap lah. I tried grilled teriyaki chicken. Quite nice, maybe because i'm hungry... Bought A4 paper because running out of A4 paper at home to print documents. Then left for home le...

Tommorow lesson starts at 10am for IC Lecture cos week 10 and 11 no regular practical and tutorial but IC Demo, and i don't have IC Demo tommorow...so i only have to come for lecture. Hmm, hope can get back QLA paper tommorow...

I still have to work on my stupid resume writing...sian... Why me? Why i have to write resume? Dunno leh...-.-".

7/24/2005 10:32:00 PM
alone* in the rain;

Friday, July 22, 2005

I woke up this morning, with tears still in my eyes. I have a feeling i was loosing you any moment... It seemed so real. Second time i am having this sort of feeling after a very long time. Arghs...i dunno =x.

Then tonight gonna have dinner...so gotta prepare and get ready early. Now, writing my resume for my IP. Haiz, so many things to write...nvm.

Chatted with Lay Kuan... Really can talk freely with her... Guess i feel comfortable talking with her bahs... She suddenly tell me that she hate programming?! So, i see the real problem now... She say she helping Kelly to complete it or else she cannot finish her report?! Haiz...why always like that de?! Then Lay Kuan tell me some things Kelly did..which is..haiz..why like that?!

Ok lah, gtg bathe now le...update next time.

7/22/2005 05:30:00 PM
alone* in the rain;

Thursday, July 21, 2005

I have xin shi again...haiz...cannot say la, otherwise why is it called xin shi...lol. But really, feeling really very frustrated now...so that's why i come here to vent my frustration?! Nvm, not feeling any better though!

Oh ya, i got a call from my project supervisor when i least expected it at about 6.30pm today. Luckily i was outside and not couped up in my study room, else i'll miss the call again. No good news...sobs... I have to write about myself and to forward to him through email then he send it to the company. Meaning i have to write resume about myself lor. Isn't it the same as interview? Just that it isn't face to face. Err...what does this mean...*nail bitting...i dunno =x. This issn't something good. How come all the projects i choose need this type of "confirmation" thingy de? Haiz...worried, worried... Hmm, gotta write resume...haiz...why why??? Is the project so difficult? Omg...got a feeling again...i think.......oh great, i'm "thinking" again...-.-" I think......something not good is going to happen...

Still got no idea who is that "???" who tagged at my tagboard, and he keeps playing guessing game with me -.-".

Being at home is real boring. I miss my friends...

7/21/2005 11:03:00 PM
alone* in the rain;

I forgot to mention, yesterday, 3rd aunt came over to grandma's place for lunch as well...haha, another talkative aunt...she talks so much lah, from the moment i sit down, until she went to take bus off to work there, still talking...lol... Then while eating lunch she was talking about her son, which is my cousin, but i seldom talk to their children de, cos they seldom go to my grandma's place, so i don't really know them =/. She talked about her eldest daughter, haha, which is still younger than me, anyway, by only one year, and hah, she's in JC...haiz... Then she say that day she bought a book, then bcos her daugher likes to read alot, then there was one day, she stayed up to read the book till very late, then the next day have school, then the mother scold her...blah blah blah... Err, i was thinking, this is good what, read books...lol... Then she say her english very very good...top the whole school... Omg, i feel like she is suanning me sia...really... Then i got nothing to say, cos my english is very lousy... Cannot compare with her...nothing to say. I don't like to read books that's why. Hah, but every individual is different. Am i right? Then she talked about her second son. He got gf?!!! Then the mother tell me sec 2 got gf liao?!!! What?!!! Then the mother say its the girl's fault...haha. Then somemore he this year sec 4 leh... Although i dunno him that well, but, better make sure he does well for his O levels lor... Relationship, next time mah...not now...next time there'd be plenty of time for that. Can only study once mah, next time when you're older cannot study le... True right? ...maybe abit only...

Then my grandma, as usual, everytime i go there for lunch, she will say the same old phrase again and again one de leh...-.-" She won't get tired repeating it everytime meh? She always talk about "last time......" Everytime she starts on that topic, i ask her shh...haha...bcos i know she gonna repeat again -.-"

Haiz...now gonna go over for lunch again...my grandma gonna nag again...lol... Very sian, alone at home... What am i gonna do next??!!

7/21/2005 12:39:00 PM
alone* in the rain;

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Common Test is finally over!

Yesterday was SS paper. I think the MCQ quite easy, and i think i made some stupid mistakes. Sian... Saw Uma at the staircase lending at the Sports Hall. Then was talking to Uma all the while about her project, cos so long never meet her le. Dropped by at the co-op to buy chocolates with Jiahui and friends, but i never buy any... Then after that went home le.

This morning's QLA paper was okay...

Reached quite early, about 10.30am. Very few people there. Met Chun Shen first. Then he started asking me questions. Then Chang Ye, Tin Song joined in too??? Ask me more and more question sia...then all ask at the same time de, i don't know explain to who first =/. Then all ask me write my words bigger so later can copy -.-". Oh yea, then Yi Lin arrived le... Went in to the LT. Sat with my friends. I think the paper should be quite easy...most people left quite soon. When i raised up my head, Yi Lin was gone le...then after that Tin Song left, left me and Chang Ye... We all sat through the whole paper... End of paper, i ask him about the Linear Programming question, cos that is the question which i think was the hardest of all the easy questions. Then he keep on thinking need to draw graph sia...haha, no need lah, question never state...LOL. So, left together with him...

At home, online, help Lay Kuan write her overload module letter. Then sent her... Chatted a little, then talked till overseas =/. Heh. Then i remember because last time DSA assignment, i help her solve her problem, she say want to treat me drink de...owe me 3 semesters le! Hahaha... Then she say Friday ask me to go down then she treat me...lol. Hmm, have to see first...see whether i free first...Maybe i will go, maybe not.

Listening to Westlife's albums songs, niccee!!! I can listen to them a few times... Hmm, Roxette songs are nice too... I miss their songs now...maybe i'll listen to them later.

Ya...and i'm figuring out how to play Tong Hua slowly already...hope i can play it really soon =). It'd be nice if i can play it and then memorise it...

7/20/2005 06:13:00 PM
alone* in the rain;

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Hey, i got my Tong Hua Piano Scores! Yay! Much thanks to Derek who found it for me...thanks, thanks! Hah, i still gotta figure out how to play it...looks quite difficult...but i'm gonna learn to play it! F Major then on to G Major...my god...F Major has B Flat and G Major has F#! I hate to play chords with sharps and flats! I prefer C Major! Ahaha. Ok, to those of you who don't learn music, you all wouldn't know what i'm talking about now...haha...ok i understand... I'm talking greek! Heh! All the dao geys...haha...my mum always says this when she sees my music scores, cos she doesn't understand them at all one bit =/. Hehe... Ya...i can play a little of Tong Hua already, in C Major that is...i figured it out while listening to the song a few times...and then play it on the piano. Not easy, but i get the hang of it awhile =). I bet those people better at music are able to play the whole piece already then... My listening skills aren't that good yet...sad...

Yups, happy happy, cos i got what i wanted! Hmm, if there is guang huai fang shi music scores, it'd be good too! Now i'm only playing the simplifed version with both hands...and i figured out by myself then! Then i play it non-stop, cos the music is nicccee!!!

Okay...relax pamela...don't get so excited just because of the tong hua piano scores...=p. Ahaha...

*grins*

7/19/2005 12:08:00 AM
alone* in the rain;

Monday, July 18, 2005

Another rainy day...arghhz...

Today, damn unlucky, or should i say its lucky as well? As usual i always go to my grandma's place for lunch. Then it was raining heavily that time... Was walking down the stairs, then reached le, i accidentally stepped on those slippery tiles, i almost fell ok! But luckily i didn't...phew~ And i looked around, see if anyone was around...heng, no one around, didn't see me almost slip down...lols...otherwise very very gan ga... So i just pretended nothing happend and carried on walking... Then again, second time i almost fell ah...-.-". I think my slippers are giving way or something, or is the road just so slippery??!! When i was on my way home, it was still raining... I almost fell again -.-" urghz...

Hmm, someone posted on my tagboard, dunno who lehx...put "???" somemore -.-". Want me to guess sia...how i know?!!! Okay! But i think i know who...so i just need to confirm with that person, but she always not free one leh...haha...

Yeps, i luv tong hua so much that i started figuring out on my piano how to play it! Altho i stopped learning but that won't stop me from figuring out how to play my favourite songs! And, finally, i figured out how to play the chorous! But, i really wish i could play the whole song, both hands of course =). Got to slowly figure it out bahs...or if anyone can find the piano scores on the internet, help me download kays? I want it badly ahz...lol.

"dang chuan shi jie de ren bu li wo de shi hou, ni bu ke yi bu li wo......"

"jia you... ... ..."

7/18/2005 05:45:00 PM
alone* in the rain;

Sunday, July 17, 2005

A boring Sunday... I think i'm too stressed studying for my common tests, i don't have mood for anything... But, i've got only two papers...well, my peers only have one...how nice... Its okay lah, two only...ha-ha.

Friday gonna have dinner...dunno what purpose also leh...my dad suddenly tell me Friday going to have dinner at some hotel, someone invite us de...think its my god parents.

These few days, its been raining almost everyday...and its very cold...brrr... When will sunshine come out again? I miss the sun...ahah...lol.

NAPFA test on 2nd August. I'm not even prepared or trained for it. I have no choice but to go, not because i want, but because, it said that it will hinder my chance of getting into University... I want to try to go to U...so...no choice, i need to force myself to just take the test. Good also bahs...just to see how "fit" i am... Just hoping to get a bronze? Or perhaps a silver? But i think its impossible for a silver... I have no stamina now... You ask me to run, i'd be breathless in less than half a round... I need to start swimming to build up my stamina again... Or just jogging would do...

Good old Monday again tommorow...study, study, study... Tuesday is SS paper at 1600 hours. So late... Haiz...its not under we students control. They put the paper to start so late in the afternoon...sianz...

I wonder how's everyone now? My fair-weathered friends at attachment, Kelly and Lay Kuan... Really misses them lots... Oh ya, just heard from them that the SA teacher is working at the DBS building near their place and they've met her for lunch! Ahh, so bad i didn't get to see her. Then i heard from Kelly that the SA teacher was talking about me. Said that i'm a hardworking student?!!! Ha-ha...very funny...cannot be...i bet there are other people 1000x more hardworking than me. Or i guess, lecturers/teachers all think the same way: who wouldn't want students who are hardworking? I guess they'd be glad if ALL their students are. My mum was a teacher before, so i know...ha-ha. Then, i thought this semester i saw the SA teacher in the lift. So, it wasn't her...probably i "miss" her too much lah...haha... But, i think the side view looked really like her... Probably some day i'd go meet them for lunch and they can ask the SA teacher out for lunch as well then...

Oh wells, those doing attachment, it'd soon be over... Soon it'd be my turn...haiz... Hope it'd be something i look forward to then!

7/17/2005 10:36:00 PM
alone* in the rain;

Friday, July 15, 2005

I chose my project le...just hope i made the right choice... The title of project: Employee Self-Service/Knowledge Management Portal. Sounds quite chim right??? Those people whom i ask of about this project all said so... They said its difficult...but what is easy? Nothing in life is easy right? Might as well not move and be a stone man -.-". Ha-ha. Good thing is this time, nobody fighting with us (its a team project). Good...but then see first whether i get it or not...

Today, Sem 6 electives results realeased le. Lay Kuan and Kelly never check until i informed them...hor hor hor...bleah =p. Luckily i remind you all rights? Heh... But turns out no good results...sad for them...stupid...no C programming offered... Why did they put there when they know that they won't offer it...stupid and so unfair lor... Then Lay Kuan only got 3 electives...Kelly got her C programming replaced with IMGT. They all ask me to write appeal letter for them...haha...i agreed but only after common test when i'm free-er...

Cold cold day...snif snif... Okay, gonna go to sleep now...nitez...

7/15/2005 11:44:00 PM
alone* in the rain;

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

I was rejected for the interview, so i gotta go for round 2 project application. Jiayi was so lucky...he got that project...me and the other guy was rejected. Then Tian Ci actually applied for another project from that company de, in the end, he got the same project as Jiayi...so lucky for him... I expected this outcome...I knew i would be rejected...

Sad...I hate this feeling of rejection... Never been so upset before...why am i rejected? They really choose the best of the best... I think that's the cruelty of real life situations. Haiz...gotta go through second round of project application...and its the same old list, just that those that were taken up were taken out of the list. I really do not know what to choose now...hopes dashed...

Now, round 2, they still list the medi claim project there! But now required only 1 person?!!! I was like, what?! The company already choose 2 people for the project, now they want another person...what if the other person choosing the project was rejected as well??? They put there to "trick" people is it?!!! Really unfair... I wanted to choose the HEAT and helpdesk project at NCS again, but then i thought, if it requires interview again, and i got rejected, there wouldn't be round 3 project application right? Then, it would leave me with no project =x. That day, 4 people went for interview...i guess they must have chosen someone there... Then, currently, the medi claim and the HEAT and helpdesk project taken up full house again -.-". I wonder how they'd select again... I got no choice but to choose other projects...

I wanted to choose PSA project de... That was my initial choice before i saw the NCS project. Then i remembered Steven now having attachment at PSA...so i asked him how his project there. Chatted with him...and wah...he really did his "homework"... He told me the salary of most of the staffs there... The salary's quite attractive for them though... A SA can earn about $7000/$8000...wow that's alot! Then he told me quite alot about his job...what he does there and what he learnt... Then i "complained" to him about me rejected from my interview...hahas... He feel sad for me?!?! Quite fake sia...lol... Felt much better after talking to him... He's a nice guy...lol.

Well, i still have to look through the project list again later... Still some projects i have in mind though... Really hope i could get the project i want then...

7/13/2005 10:40:00 PM
alone* in the rain;

Monday, July 11, 2005

Today was my Internship Project Interview. Wore formal, really formal. Blouse, skirt and heels. Jiayi was nice enough to meet me so that we can go together cos his interview is right after mine. I didn't know the way there from YCK MRT that's why. Then later this morning, my mum called me and told me that she want to fetch me to YCK MRT. She told me that she would fetch me at 1.50pm from home, but turned out she reach home only at 2.25pm so my mum said that she can fetch my friend there too otherwise we may be late... Told Jiayi to wait at the pessenger pick up point outside the MRT station, but my mum missed the place and so asked him to go further out, outside Anderson JC. Haha, he was prominent cos he wore white tops and black pants. Reached the place at about 3.05pm. Saw Tian Ci there. The first person went in for his interview already. When he came out, we were all so enthu, and we quickly asked what question the interviewer will ask. Next in was Tian Ci, he took the longest...

Then my turn...actually i fidgeted a little, and there were some questions which i didn't expect... Like, ask me what i would be working when i graduate. I said i would venture into other areas and maybe business, to help my dad out in his office... Then she asked me why, i said, because IT this field, every year there are many graduates, what we learn now may not be relavant into the working life next time.......... Then she say, then what you learnt now, wouldn't it be wasted? ........... She also asked, if lets say i'm not given the option to help my dad, what would i do? I just anyhow reply, said that i would start a business on my own, maybe software developer...haha...as if...really don't know what to say at that time... Then she ask me would i be boss or to work under people? I say work under people...... She say very contradicting.......... Then she add on is it because i am not sure to make decisions? I say, ya, maybe...... god...maybe i shouldn't say that...shit... Very negative...but i really don't know what to say at that time le...

Jiayi's turn, he came out and told us he talked about the pizza ordering system assignment for EVP and the interviewer laughed?! Haha... Then turn out, the final thing the interviewer will say is, "don't be too upset if we did not choose you for this project......" Then she say that i got good grades...not because i'm not good or whatever... I think i'm the one not chosen....... I've got sixth sense... Please, DON'T let this be true...... I DON'T WANT to go round 2 of project selection. NO!!!

When i came out, two other people came, they are guys again... I really am the only girl... Seems like a disadvantage... Would the interviewer be thinking what i am thinking now..."guys are more capable" because most of them who chose the project of this company are guys...... I'm really very scared now... I'm prepared for the worse...very sad...feel like i'm rejected already... Hey, but all the guys quite handsome ah...lol...okok, joke joke...kidding only ah...shhhhh~!

Left together with the other guy who choose the same project as us. Together 4 of us. Turns out the other guy, he looks quite familiar, i think same PQS class as me... Then he left and went to SSDC. So, was heading to YCK station with Jiayi and Tian Ci... Then Jiayi suggested want to go to NYP to grab a bite... So i just said ok lor... Was walking halfway when it poured heavily... Luckily i got my umbrella... But, those poor two guys were running all the way till inside NYP. The door to the lift was locked. Went to second floor, the door there still locked... The canteen was the other direction. No shelter at all... Borrowed my umbrella, we went over one by one... Gotta cross 2 paths... Poor Tian Ci gotta go four times becuase he need to go over to "fetch" Jiayi after me... Anyway, i think my umbrella was too small, only good for one person. I was wet as well... But, i think they were wetter... Haha, who's good idea is it to suggest to NYP to go eat ar? LOL. Went there, ate MAC savoury tempura burger meal. When leaving, Jiayi said that i going to look for vice principal at a school -.-". Say so loud for what...let the whole world know...haha. Its my mum only...not some special person whats. Then he said cos my mum VP no wonder i so clever?!!! What nonsense...lol...no whats. After that left and headed to YCK station le...while leaving, saw the entrance there selling ice cream... Jiayi wanted to eat...haha, then he asked me want or not... I cannot eat liao le...just finished a burger, so full already... Then in the end he never buy...haha... He really can eat alot... Took the same direction with Tian Ci, but i stopped at Khatib to go meet my mum, her school just beside the MRT station only. Haha, my mum was waiting there at the entrance for me sia... Went to her office awhile while she packed her things to get ready to go off... Then left le... On the car my mum keep on asking me how's the interview... I said don't know lah, ask so many things...haha...

Reached home 6.30pm liao... Super tired. Bathed, ate dinner. Now right here... I'm feeling hot all over my body now...don't know why also... and i feel like vommiting......urgh...this feeling is horrible... Feeling sick =x......

*I'm missing "love", can't find anyone whom i can realate well with...

7/11/2005 10:53:00 PM
alone* in the rain;

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Yesterday night went out to dinner as usual. Went to IMM for dinner. Tried the noodles at noodle hut. The serving is super huge ok......haha... I was sitting facing the entrance... Was eating halfway and guess who i saw. Steven and his girlfriend...at first i was shocked, then i took a closer look, i didn't recognise him wrongly ah...heh... His girlfriend was flipping thru the menu outside the restaurant, then after that they left le... Wah, xian mu...heh...

Went up to my dad's office to photostate my IC needed for the interview on Monday... Then went to Giant to get some drinks and food. Giant's opened till 1am on Saturdays... Shopped till about 11pm then left...

So, tommorow's my interview... Wish me luck again...... I got a feeling that i'm at a disadvantage. Why? Because all the candidates for these project they are applying are all guys! I'm the only girl here! So wierd......did i choose the wrong project or what? Then how come no girls choose this project...is it because guys are more suited for this project? If so, why the company never state they want guys only?? Ok, i know i ask alot of questions...cos i'm getting nervous and i can't help but start feeling afraid already that i'd be rejected straight away...

These days, i'm feeling the "how people think of me" phobia is getting stronger... But its true... For the coming interview, i think it would be even worse... One would have to be rejected cos its a 2 people project... Well, we'll see how it goes... I really hope i am NOT the one...

7/10/2005 11:23:00 AM
alone* in the rain;

Friday, July 08, 2005

I've not updated for a long long time...

Busy with assignments and stuffs. IC Assignment's just over... Finally...phew~ Stayed back in school today with lixin till about 3.30pm to complete IC Assignment... Helped her with some stuffs and improvement of the web forms.

Feeling super tired now...my back aches... I think its because i'm not used to carrying my laptop on my hand... Its straining my shoulder... And if in the bus i don't get places to sit, it gets worse...super straineous on my hands and shoulders. Slept at 2am last night to rush finish the IC Assignment. This morning rushed again to complete my report. I thought i was late for my WISP lesson, cos when i left home it was 9.40am. But, when i reached school, the teacher still haven't arrived. He's late. Saw Chun Shen already there, so i asked him how's his IC Assignment. He said still waiting for Lixin's search function...

Ya, i've gotten my attachment...How great, i need to be interviewed -_-. They never stated that this attachment needs interview and yet, there is an interview scheduled. Whether i get this attachment or not its based on my interview. All my friends' attachment does not require any interview thingy. I'm the odd one out... Then that Jiayi really also choose 58... Aiya, if he never choose maybe no need interview liao lah...hahaha...kidding only... Wish me luck for this interview... Just hope i get it ok?

7/08/2005 05:30:00 PM
alone* in the rain;