sweet innocence//alone*

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as i walk alone in the cold rain,
my mind drifted away to the past.
to what we used to be
to the secrets we used to share.
how i wish you were here with me,
sharing the umbrella
in this lonely yet cold night.
whispering sweet nothings in my ear
i miss you so much.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Hello! Back to blogging again...

I've got a question for a start. What would you do if someone ask you for stuff and you do not feel like sending them? Here i'm saying in general, not specifically aiming at anyone... Not because i'm selfish or whatsoever, but then...i dunno how to explain also... I do share my stuff with pple, but......nvm, i shan't say too much here...this is a sensitive issue. Although i know the person doesn't read my blog, still i shouldn't say... I just feel that not everything we can share freely right? You take time and effort to do your things, and in the end, pple just ask for you, and you send them, they get reference of your ideas for free... And come to think of it, you took pains to come up with that idea, and now, that someone got your idea freely...-.-". Well, its just a little painful...for me... Sometimes, i just keep quiet though... But, there are times i am really willing to help a friend...cos i trust them...unless they prove me wrong.

Talking about this, my VIVA presentation slides i actually prepared them, but since we are doing team presentation, i have to share with my partner. Then someone asked from him our presentation slides i think, then i was looking at what he is doing......he actually sent our ppt slides to someone else without asking me? Nvm, so i just looked on...... Abit painful and sad ba... Btw, how would you feel if this happend to you? Err, maybe he thinks i wouldn't mind, cos i'm too good and nice, everything can share de =/, but maybe it would be polite just to tell me... I share my stuff with him cos we're a team what -.-" lol. I just keep quiet...nothing to say...cos since he is sending, that person who wants is looking on somemore, i can't say cannot right? Eh, nvm its all over le... I do not keep grudges...bleahs.

Ever come across a saying or a phrase, "people are selfish". Yes, i agree whole heartedly... I can't deny i am at times too...but not everytime, it depends on the situation though.

O Level Results released on friday, my tang di got 13 points. I wasn't surprised, both of the brothers are clever, clever, clever... I can't hold a matchstick compared to them... Throw face...nvm...i make sure i do well in my poly and U!!! If not loose them again, throw face again... Then while my parents were telling me how much my tang di got, i just keep quiet, cos my result super poor, got nothing to say lor...just feel jealous only...nvm... They always seem to be concerned about my cousins' side than me... I concerned about myself can le. Dun care about how other pple think of me. I just do what i think is right, and feel happy of what i do can le... Yeah! If not, next time i regret... "Ren shen duan duan ji shi nian" ma...LOL. "We only live once" by xxx wor...LOL.

Photo shoot session on 16 Feb 1pm? I dunno whether i should go. I wonder who's going... I worry i cannot even take time off =x. Well, we'll see when the time comes. I shall talk about it with my nu peng you's...Hee~

Tmr starting work at my dad's office le. First i want to clear the receipt stuff, and lotsa other things to do as well... Filling in forms, issueance of CIs...blah blah... I dunno whether i still can rmb how to do all those stuff or nots...=x. Hope i will, else will get scolded again -.-".

Valentine's Day is coming and i'm gonna spend this year alone, yet again...sob sobs... Most of my friends got bf and gf le, good la, they can have a romantic Valentine's Day. Xian mu leh...cos i dun have ma!!! And i haven't experience before...LOL. How is the feeling like eh? Ro-man-di-ke (read in chinese) ma? Hahaha!!!

Mood now is like the song of SHE's - Tian Hui... Sad sad... Oh ya, thanks to Alphon for sending me this song! LOL. Still got more songs on my wishlist yet to be fulfilled. Can't find all those songs that i want always...=( Someone help me dl then send me leh... *hint* *hint*. I'm dying for those songs le...

2/12/2006 03:48:00 PM
alone* in the rain;

Friday, February 10, 2006

Its my last day of freedom! LOL! Another day of rotting. No one date me out!!! Sian lah. All my friends need to work, if not, got bf accompany them, no need me liao...become like trash, just thrown and heaved aside =(. Sad sia. Class photo taking session is next week, but i still dunno which day will it be? 13 Feb or 16 Feb? Dunno whether can make it back to school or not, cos i need to work le...

Yesterday, Lixin come my house for help of her project, so i just see whether can help or not. In the end i solve her login problem only... Others dunno what's wrong leh... The button click liao no reaction, although the codes i see like correct! LOL. Helped her until 7pm then she left le, cos my parents coming back le...

Now gaming with Jennifer! LOL. MSN games ah... Can horne my skills. But as usual i not so good in all those game. Never train ma...

Then, just now my dad call me ask my birthdate, then i say for what? He tell me he want to buy toto -.-" I tell him dun crazy lah...-.-" This type of thing very difficult to win de, why waste money???

Haa...nvm... Ahh...i miss all my friends! Just one week i never meet them i'm missing them le...=(.

Okay, i want to go play games le...ciaoz

2/10/2006 10:50:00 AM
alone* in the rain;

Thursday, February 09, 2006

One more day of freedom. Next week gotta start working le =(. Should be considered graduated le, but haven't convocation yet. Haiz, i'll really miss all my friends in poly, and i mean ALL!!! Even those that i've just known for a few months... They're all so nice people...aww... Pamela will remember you forever! Yeah! =)

Finally went to school today to collect the stupid $5 refund from attending the seminar. I go all the way to school just to get the stupid $5 back! -.-" No choice lah, who ask me forget to collect on Tuesday!!! And i was actually going to return the book i borrowed from Jennifer today too, but i forgot!!! Diaoz. No wonder i keep on thinking i forgot to accomplish something today. And, its only when i reached home then i realised i forgot!!! I've only got myself to blame for being so forgetful... Then i heard from my friend that this $5 got dateline to collect de. And then Alphon told me he haven't collected his $5 as well. So i just tell him to remind him lor... See, i'm sucha good friend...LOL! Ok...crap lah...i'm always nice, ain't i? Bleahs =p. Nice until people like to bully me always.

Oh ya, i saw Firdas (dunno whether spell his name correctly or not) aka Fila in school today! Then talked about my VIVA presentation. I just told him mine sucks. LOL. Then he asked Alphon how? I just told him that Alphon was as cool as a cucumber! LOL. I also dunno how he remained so cool~ At least, he is not as nervous as me! His presentation is tmr, so i just wish him good luck! Hahas.

Talking about bully... Yesterday i was chatting with Alphon, just wanting to tell him why a function when i demo couldn't work, cos i remembered it worked before!!! Then i just told him why cannot work... Wah, then start 'debate' liao -.-". Small problem become big big problem le...LOL. Dunno who start one leh... Actually i cannot blame him also lah, he helped me all the way ^^. And i complain all the way...LOL. Learn alot of things from him also... E-commerce stuff were an alien to me at the beginning of the project. Then he got take ECID, ECAD, WDD. All that were required to develop an e-commerce website. Then i learnt things like Session and Stored Procedure from him... Now come to think of it quite easy lah...LOL. Come to think of it, i really owe him a big big thankew! LOL! If not i dun think i can handle an e-commerce website. Say here can liao...i shy girl ma...=p.

Okay, wanna go sleep le...tired...*yawn*

2/09/2006 11:31:00 PM
alone* in the rain;

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Its music diary now on 93.3FM. The description of the story sounds like describing me...ohh...its really so similar... Especially when i heard "during studies, shouldn't fall in love", this phrase...and my parents also quite strict... So, i dun dare have a bf... Even if i like a guy i also dun dare say de =x. Aha, nvm... Even thou my relatives are like keep on talking whether i have bf or not -.-". I just shrug them off by saying, "no time lah, wait till i got time then slowly find...haa!!!" Cos my parents there ma, i dun dare say other things, wait get into trouble again, die!!! Then i rmb my ah ma even said, if i got bf, she would be very happy -.-""". Funny hor? Nvm... Wait for yuan fen! Haa...

Yesterday was my VIVA presentation. Finally over! My presentation sux lah. Beginning of the presentation, I was super nervous until my supervisor and second marker realised. Die... Alphon's turn to demo. At least he not too bad, can maintain coolness~ somemore. LOL. After that my turn to present again, not that nervous le, but then i still kept on referring to the ppt. -.-" Its demonstration time...my turn to demo...all the errors popped out! And i knew the recommendation feature they will ask alot of question de. How true! Ask until i dunno how to answer them sia. Die again... End of presentation, time check, we took 2 hours?!!! My demonstration took up most of the time. Second marker keep on saying, "cool!", "good!" Oh no, something is really very very very wrong. Its no good at all leh, why keep on saying good...aiyo... Then before they left, the second marker ask me how i came up with the thick thick appendix of 200 pages?!!! In 2 weeks??? I said no, i started when the project started, then when i begin development, make a few changes cos got changes to the project ma... Ok la, its a team project ma, Appendix should be this much ma... Anyway, I really tried my very best le... Somehow, i got this funny feeling, i begin to worry about my results...i'm prepared for the very worst... Although that Alphon keep on saying i sure better than him??? -.-" Dunno why he say that lah, so wierd de... He better than me...

Now, i suddenly felt i got nothing to do...Sian... Isn't there anything to do???

Oh ya, i saw Vincent yesterday! He got the same time slot as me, and his presentation was just two rooms away from me. Took a look at his project on an educational software and a website. Its too good, i got nothing to say. I can't blame, cos his multimedia skills not bad de...

U applications have started. Among the many people whom i know are going to U include Chun Yeong and Huiping. I still ain't sure which course should i take up. Perhaps still at IT ba... Computer Engineering or Computer Science? Or should i try other courses instead? Physcology??? Haha...siao right? Or maybe business? A total 360 degree change? Hmms... Its a very difficult decision to make. Maybe should ask advices from my friends ba...see what they suggest...haa...

O Level results are out this friday. Wish my tang di and biao di good luck this friday. Aiya, they sure can one...all my cousins 1000x smarter than me. Sad sia... All go JC le. I break the record. First in the family and among all my relatives go poly! Ahaha! Nvm, i must make it to U!!! Die, i worry i cannot make it. Its very hard... Even if i make it, i'm afraid i can't cope. I study the hard way to get good grades. How stupid right? =(. People study one time can get facts into the brain, i need to study three times as hard =(. I just don't have that talent... Funny thing is, why all my cousins so clever? And only i not smart??? Not fair right? Should be all the same... It just isn't fair at all. Imagine yourself being compared with smarter people everytime. How do you feel? Demoralised and yet can't do anything, cos your brain and mentality is just like that? Unless you can become smart just overnight? How i wish i could be smart in just a matter of time... My parents don't say it out nowadays, but i know, in their mind they must be thinking that way...

Recently my cousin just got a job while waiting to enter army in April. Go restaurant help out??? Haha... Nvm, i never say anything... So good, he is given a chance to go out to experience work life... I dun even have to dream of going out to try even... Then my parents were like so curious about his new job. Ask so much... I just keep quiet. Can say i abit jealous a not? I dunno why i was jealous also... They seem to care more about him than me...so...nvm... Maybe you could blame me for not communicating with my parents... At home, i just do my own things. I dun feel like talking to them at all. Cos, save my breath, they don't understand at all. I've tried talking to them before...they just dun understand... Then sometimes, i just prefer to talk to my friends about it instead... Ahh...nvm...

Now, all's over. Perhaps i'm back to the same old routine. Out to my dad's office again!?!! -.-" I have no choice at all. I thought in life, you should be given choices in what you want to do and what you LIKE to do. Yes, my parents gave me that choice in studies, how bout in work life??? I'm not...I dun even have to sniff outside work life. My dad keep on brainwashing me, telling me other business cannot earn money, only his business can, cos he wants me take over -.-" diaoz right? I can't deny that's the truth, but does he consider my feelings? Is that what i like??? Nono, he doesn't even care. I begin to ponder again. What for i study so hard if i were to take over my dad's business. Secondary, Poly and then next on to University. Its like wasting my time... By the time i finish U, i'll be 24 already...so old le...after University Degree, i want to take Bachalors, then on to Masters, then Doctorate!!! Haha, i'm so ambitious right? Dunno i can or not...Maybe Degree i already half dead liao... Got anything higher than Doctorate or not??? I want go higher than that if possible! See can break record or not...LOL. And, i was just looking at the school fees. Its $20,000+++??!! So expensive sia... Now i really got second thoughts about going to U. If i didn't do well, its like wasting money... Someone tell me how??? Its not easy in U i guess, together with those JC people...oh no...they're so much smarter...

Gtg le...cont'd next time...ciaoz.

2/08/2006 11:41:00 AM
alone* in the rain;