Yesterday was a happening day at the office. My god-father came cos he was the boss of another registered company for insurance, AXA insurance. AXA insurance people were coming to visit our office that's why. God-father arrived earlier for lunch. Went down to crunchy carrot for lunch. I ate baked salmon with chicken. So little yet not nice =x. Haha, i'm fussy lah. My dad pay for it. Luckily my dad know the boss of that restaurant, so got 10% off! Yay! Then around 3pm+, the AXA insurance people arrive le. Didn't pay much attention to them cos was busy doing my stuff... Then they went down for tea and discuss business matters at the same time. Office too small ma, if they stay in there, customers no place to sit le. To cluttered liao =x. I didn't go lah...aha, i'm such a small fry... Then around 5pm, dad came back le...finish 'discussion' liao. He brought back a box of cake... He said those people give us eat one. Wah, not bad eh, still got cake to eat. But, its cheese cake...i don't really like them, but just eat lah =p. Then he say what those people discuss with him. He say to issue policy, must do 1 million business to them, then can liao. Printer, paper and everything they provide for us. Wah, 1 million leh...That's alot! Then, my auntie said, like that, i don't go to study University, work here... When i heard this, i was very angry. In fact, furious until i want to scream. I just gave a stern stare at her... Yes, i'm fierce. I know that. I can't stand this you know. She speak without thinking!!! Going university has always been my dream... This the !@#$%^& number of times she has been mentioning this... Always ruining my dream... She does not want me to enter university, i know that very well...cos she only sec 4, then never continue studies liao. STUPID HER! The more i think about it, the more furious i become. How SELFISH of her. I would prove her wrong!!! I hate when people think lowly of me. The more i would prove to show myself that i can. How would you feel when even your parents think 'lowly' of you? As in, they think you're not as smart, blur...and whatever, just all the negative remarks... That's what i think my parents think of me though =(. Just tell me that this is an imagination...and i will wake up from this horrible nightmare.
In poly, i worked so hard...indeed very hard. I didn't expect myself to do well either, cos i'm really not that smart afterall...maybe quite dumb, dunno why... People just work hard, i have to tell myself to work thrice as hard... No choice, different people different life ma. Perhaps, i'm just ill fated. In the end, i reap what i sow. I got a diploma with merit for 3 years in poly. Indeed, quite fulfilling. I shouted out with glee and joy on the day i received the letter when i got this award, cos it was just unbelievable. My parents got to know about it. My dad don't believe that i got it, cos he always think i very blur, and the way i do things, always slower than other people, always LOOSE OUT, confirm die one... Knowing my dad's thinking, from day 1 in poly, i told myself i must prove him very very wrong... I couldn't show him that i'm gonna fail again. I still remember my setback, its my o levels. I knew i wouldn't do well, cos i was lazy. I didn't really studied. My result, L1R4 was 23 L1R5 was 32, if i am not wrong. How horrible can it get? I couldn't lift up my head to face people. It didn't help when my parents like to compare me with my cousins, not forgetting my relatives. I hate myself. I was thinking why am i so dumb...
My mum, on the otherhand, was quite happy about it though...but i told her its no good enough, so ordinary only...i can be better!!!
I'm happy, but not satisfied with my harvestings. I believe, in life, nothing is ever good enough, because there'll be that someone who is always better than you. I try to reach for the silver lining in the cloud, but i always fail, so near yet so far =(. Why are there people around who are always better? How did they manage to be better than me? How could i be like them? -- these questions are always bothering me silently. I really have no idea. No matter how much i push myself to the limit, i just couldn't do it. Perhaps its just my self-fufilling prophecy. Opportunities are always there, but i didn't make use of it. Well, life isn't perfect all the time. I shall learn to take things in stride and follow my heart.
I regret not having a proper chat with Lay Kuan everytime cos was working. Then when i wanted to reply her, she is offline le =(. Sad. Then i thought she usually online whole day de, but then this time only half day online, sometimes i don't even see her online at all. Then she tell me she take medicine feel sleepy... Omg, i think she is sick liao... Don't tell me she is also a workaholic, over-stress herself! So, i adviced her to see doctor. Then i was asking her earlier today whether she know of anyone going to NTU. She said no... So sad. Immediately, she knew i was worried of making friends?! Wah, can read my mind. But i told her nothing =p. Haha...i think she will know that i must be lying...=p. Anyway, thanks lots for the encouragement. Hope new school, really can make new friends. I don't think it'd be as good as u de... You the best lah...=p. You always scold me, but remember this saying, "da shi teng, ma shi ai" (in chinese). So, from that saying, you love me!!! I will love you too, forever! Ahaha...very rou ma hor? Okay, don't er xin...=p.
